As it is the New Year, I've been thinking about things that I want to do differently. Not surprisingly, I would like to loose a some weight and generally would like to feel better about my appearance. Story of (almost) every woman's life.
As I was looking through a friend's Facebook pictures, I realized how much she has changed in the past few years. Having kids has aged her and caused some weight gain. But when I look at her now, all I see is an amazing mom, friend, and wife. I think of how encouraging she is, and how hard she works to connect all of her friends. I am grateful for the time she invests in me and in all the people around her. When I see her, I feel grateful - and I see a beautiful woman. I have no idea what my friend was like before she had kids - most likely she was just as giving, friendly, and encouraging. But maybe, having her beautiful children has shaped her heart to be more loving and gracious. I know that motherhood has changed me - that I have learned to judge less (still an area I need to grow in), love more, and appreciate the growing process. When I think of my friend, I see a beautiful woman who I want to have coffee with. I wouldn't trade her for the less tired, thinner version that I found on Facebook. I hope that she has learned to embrace who she has become and the process God is taking her though. I hope that she sees herself as beautiful and realizes how much we benefit from her hard work. I hope that she is gentle with herself and embraces this part of her journey - as tiring as it might be. I hope that the number on the scale doesn't hold as much power over you as it does for me. I hope none of this really applies to you and you see yourself through the eyes of the loving Maker.
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I recently tried a stint at a Yoga studio. Everyone who has tried yoga has said that I would love it, so I thought Christmas break would be a good time to give it a shot. The first day I walked out of hot yoga, sweating like crazy, and wasn't sure how I felt. I was able to do *some* form of most of the positions (quality will not me mentioned here), but I honestly didn't know what to feel. After trying it for a full week and trying very hard to like it, I admitted to myself that I do not like hot yoga. But my very brief stint into the world of Western-pluralistic-exercise has left me with some interesting ideas. So many other religions incorporate the body into their religious practice. Hindus practice yoga, Muslims have washings, prayers, fasting, and necessary journeys, and ancient pagan practices involved cultic sex - all as acts of worship. What does the American Evangelical Christian church do with our bodies? Not much. We might fast, but this is seen as optional and possibly extreme. We might lift our hands while singing, but by and large we don't even change our body position to pray (I know that I typically typically don't). If everyone else is doing something, then I should have a good reason not to do it as well. For too long I have seen my body as something that needs to be ignored, subdued, or controlled rather than a real part of who I am.
God made me - all of me - including my body. He knew what metabolism I would have, what physical weaknesses I would struggle with, and all the little imperfections that I wish I could change. He chose this body for me. Perhaps one day it will develop some terrible disease that will cause me pain, or maybe my mind will loose grip with reality - but for now I want to appreciate my body.
I want to stop ignoring the fact that God made me as body AND soul - and that He cares about and redeems all aspects of me. I want to start using my body to its full potential, and using it as a means of worship. I don't entirely have an idea of what this looks like. Perhaps it means times of prayer while prostrated. Perhaps I will practice the discipline of fasting. I'm not sure. But I am realizing that my body is a huge part of who I am and that I can no longer ignore it spiritually.
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For as long as I can remember, I have been judgmental. One of the only home movies we have of me is of me as a 5 year old playing with a friend - and I'm bossing her around. How embarrassing. I hate admitting to this struggle, but the first part of change is admitting the problem.
I used to read the verse "Judge not, that you not be judged" (Mt. 7:1) as something like "Don't judge what God has not yet judged, and God will be more gracious to you" or even "Judge as God has judged - but remember that you are covered in the blood of Christ" - thus somehow giving me a way to judge others but remember God's grace to me. I twisted God's words to say what I wanted them to say, and I suffered because of it.
Lately I've been learning a new aspect of judgement. If you judge others, then it will become difficult not to be judged by the same standard. There are a few people in my life who I really struggle showing grace toward - my first habit is to attack any annoyance while looking past any good action. Ironically, the people who I am the harshest with are the people most like myself. Talk about hypocrisy.
When I judge others, I am also judging myself wether or not I am consciously aware of it. I have been living under a burden of judgment that I meant to be pouring out on others but really have been pouring on myself. Judgement isn't meant for me - my shoulders are not big enough.
So I am working on extending grace instead of judgement - both to others and myself. I really struggle with extending grace because of my bad habits and because I feel like I am de-emphasizing the need to do good. But even as I write this, I am reminded that my goodness is like filthy rags to God. I cannot earn God's love, salvation, or anything other than His wrath (which instead of being given to me was given to Christ).
I need to let go of performance and live a life of love. I cannot make the first move in the game of love - it must be God. So instead of trying harder, I need to wait, stop trying so hard, and be loved.
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Instead of resolutions for 2015, I feel like I have been given a word: Surrender. So I'm working on surrendering my idea of beauty and my own expectations of my aging body (I am sure that I will cringe at that idea in 10+ years) and tying my identity to my weight. I am surrendering my idea that my body is unspiritual so that I may live holistically, as I was created to. I am surrendering my judgement gavel and turning to grace - for myself and others.
All these ideas involve the idea of love. Loving the true beauty in others and myself. Loving the body God gave me. Loving myself and others without judgement. The church that we just became part of has a tag line: live loved. It's as if God is trying to tell me something.
I don't know what this year looks like, but I know that I follow the Good - He may not be safe, but He is a good Father.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Money, money
Money. What a tough subject. We are not supposed to talk about it, particularly as Christians - and yet it so often is what my thoughts (and emotions) dwell upon.
Since we moved from Southern California to Boise, we took a significant pay cut. Simple luxuries (like eating out) suddenly seem too much - and I often find myself stressed about money. I try and pretend like I'm not - because I feel like I shouldn't worry about something so worldly - but I do. I struggle with being generous and have to bite my tongue when my husband buys something that isn't on sale (although if it is something that I want suddenly it's not such a big deal).
We are slowly draining our savings and I was randomly thinking about what the Bible has to say about wealth. I kept wanting to think of some verse that said "Work hard and I will bless you with a stable income" or "Acquire as much wealth as you can even if it means being ungenerous" or "Having money will make you more effective in the kingdom of God" - but of course, none of these verses came to mind because they are American thoughts and not the thoughts of God. Instead I thought of the parable of the Rich fool (Luke 12:13-21) where a man takes in a big harvest, builds a new barn planning to rest in his amassed wealth, and then dies. The story ends by saying "This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God." Apparently a healthy 401k is not as important to God as I wish it was.
I think that I have fallen into the trap (or lie) that money really is important. I like to say that God is the most important aspect of my life, but the truth is that I think more of money than I do of God. And this seems to be idolatry. Not a fun sin to confess or admit to struggling with.
As I was trying thinking of some loop hole, I saw with fresh eyes a decoration on my wall - the fruit of the Spirit.
Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-Control.
And somehow none of these related to collecting wealth. If I am loving others, then I will not be focused on my own gain. Collecting money does not lead to joy or peace but stress and fear. As Jesus once said, we really can't serve God and money (Luke 16:13). I have been trying to for so long and finally realized that I am playing a loosing game. Serving money is all about me, my own, and what I can get/steal/sneak/hide. Serving God is about giving of myself, loving freely, and generously giving with a thankful heart.
And so I confess to God (and the Internet in general because no one reads this) that I'm done. By the grace of God, I do not want to serve money. I pray that God would change my heart and I really would want to give to others rather than gaining digits in my bank account. I would rather worry about showing love to hurting people than using the maximum number of coupons. But I know this will take time and the grace of God. God absolutely can change hearts, but the transformation rarely happens instantaneously. So I pray that God can take my idolatrous heart, and soften it so that it may fit through the eye of a needle.
Since we moved from Southern California to Boise, we took a significant pay cut. Simple luxuries (like eating out) suddenly seem too much - and I often find myself stressed about money. I try and pretend like I'm not - because I feel like I shouldn't worry about something so worldly - but I do. I struggle with being generous and have to bite my tongue when my husband buys something that isn't on sale (although if it is something that I want suddenly it's not such a big deal).
We are slowly draining our savings and I was randomly thinking about what the Bible has to say about wealth. I kept wanting to think of some verse that said "Work hard and I will bless you with a stable income" or "Acquire as much wealth as you can even if it means being ungenerous" or "Having money will make you more effective in the kingdom of God" - but of course, none of these verses came to mind because they are American thoughts and not the thoughts of God. Instead I thought of the parable of the Rich fool (Luke 12:13-21) where a man takes in a big harvest, builds a new barn planning to rest in his amassed wealth, and then dies. The story ends by saying "This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God." Apparently a healthy 401k is not as important to God as I wish it was.
I think that I have fallen into the trap (or lie) that money really is important. I like to say that God is the most important aspect of my life, but the truth is that I think more of money than I do of God. And this seems to be idolatry. Not a fun sin to confess or admit to struggling with.
As I was trying thinking of some loop hole, I saw with fresh eyes a decoration on my wall - the fruit of the Spirit.
Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-Control.
And somehow none of these related to collecting wealth. If I am loving others, then I will not be focused on my own gain. Collecting money does not lead to joy or peace but stress and fear. As Jesus once said, we really can't serve God and money (Luke 16:13). I have been trying to for so long and finally realized that I am playing a loosing game. Serving money is all about me, my own, and what I can get/steal/sneak/hide. Serving God is about giving of myself, loving freely, and generously giving with a thankful heart.
And so I confess to God (and the Internet in general because no one reads this) that I'm done. By the grace of God, I do not want to serve money. I pray that God would change my heart and I really would want to give to others rather than gaining digits in my bank account. I would rather worry about showing love to hurting people than using the maximum number of coupons. But I know this will take time and the grace of God. God absolutely can change hearts, but the transformation rarely happens instantaneously. So I pray that God can take my idolatrous heart, and soften it so that it may fit through the eye of a needle.
Friday, August 22, 2014
30
So... I'm 30.
And when I was a teenager, I was convinced that by 30 I was going to have my stuff together. I say 'stuff' because there is no way that my 15 year old self would have ever sworn because I am/was a CHRISTIAN and God does not allow for any swearing. (but I digress.) I have the distinct memory of being in a small group listening to prayer requests and being baffled that the adults had so many problems. They had been Christians for a long time, yet they still couldn't get over themselves and had petty problems. I was not going to be like that. By the time I turned 30, I would have my problems ironed out and I would live and effective life inspiring other for Christ.
That's not exactly how my life turned out. I don't have my shit together.
I remember reconnecting with an old friend when I was pregnant. We met for lunch and she brought her four year old along with her. As we talked, she would take breaks in the conversation to correct her son who (much to my shock) did not sit still and "misbehaved" by not coloring quietly for the whole lunch. My son would not act like this. He would be a good four year old and listen to his mother. HA!
There comes a time in all of our lives when we compare our expectations to reality. By 30, we *should* be able to keep our houses clean... but my husband is regularly frustrated by the regular mess and lack of vacuuming/dusting/clean toilets (and so am I when I'm honest). By 30, we should have figured out what we want to do 'when we grow up' ... but I sit with 2 masters degrees wondering when I will get to use my knowledge. By 30, we should have a solid community of friends who will support us in the good and bad times... but I'm not sure I even have a best friend much less a community of support.
So I have come to realize that I had great expectations for my life and my 'results' are underwhelming. There is always more to do, several habits to change or add, and character to develop within myself. When I think about what I expected my life to be like at 30 a decade ago, there is very little comparison. In some ways, I am far more blessed that I thought I ever could be. God has blessed me with an amazing husband, a vivacious and good son, a quality education, and an amazing home. Other aspects of my life are simply different than I had imagined; I do not work in an orphanage in an exotic land but I am a soon-to-be foster mom. I never had a serious career but I was able to deepen my relationship with God through a formal education. However, I think the areas of greatest disappointment come back to character issues. My extended family and I have parted ways and I can't see a resolution to the matter. I have come to dislike church culture so that I have a hard time finding a community to be part of. My heart often fails to break for the hurt around me and I turn a blind eye more often than Jesus' would have.
So what am I to do? When I finally admit to myself that I am not who I want to be or who I expected I would be, where do I go from here? What do I do with this gap?
From what I can see, I have several options. I can ignore the gap, I can keep trying harder, or I can ask for help.
I know that I can only live an abundant, flourishing life through God. So many different ideas and verses reflect the idea of getting our spiritual daily sustenance from God: the vine and the branches, abiding in Christ, or walking in the Spirit. I know that I cannot do this through my own power, but only through Christ who strengthens me and with the help of the Spirit. I know that Christianity doesn't have any 'secret knowledge' or special means of getting to this place, but still I feel like I am missing something important.
On the days that I just can't seem to shake my bad attitude, continually yell at my two year old, complain about the people who love me, and am generally nasty (all while trying to convince myself that I'm just hungry or tired or SOMETHING external is wrong...) I try and pray. I know that God can change my hard, angry heart - but I also know that He often uses the journey to truly change me rather than just wave away my bad attitude. I just wish that I knew how to maintain this connection to God. It feels like everything I try is within my own power and strength.
And so even following God is not how I expected it to be. I recognize that God works in ways that we do not understand. On my wall, I have a quote written by J.P. Moreland saying "God maintains a delicate balance between keeping His existence sufficiently evidence so people will know He's there and yet hiding His presence enough so that people who want to choose to ignore Him can do it. This way, their choice of destiny is really free." And I think perhaps that this not only applies to God's existence but also His presence and growth in our lives. God often moves slowly so that the change is real and permanent. One simple prayer of 'Help me change my bad attitude' will not wipe away the habits of selfishness that I have stored up in my heart. God wants me to truly choose Him rather than just wish He was there in the frustrating moments.
As with most things in the Christian life, closing the sanctification gap (or different between who I know I am called to be and the reality of my heart) is a paradox and an partnership. God (usually) will not instantly change my heart but I cannot change my heart on my own. We work together. I have no idea why God works this way in the world - it seems rather inefficient to me - but then again I am not God. Perhaps I miss the bigger picture of me falling in love with God and learning to work with Him. Perhaps the idea is more of two lovers learning to walk in step with one another than a parent teaching her child to walk. God has designed so that we work with Him in the process of becoming like Jesus as we realize how truly wonderful He is. Perhaps my focus this decade should be to spend more time gazing into the heart of my Savior than trying to grow up and walk independently of my parent. Such a simple truth - that I must spend time with God to know and love Him - but one that I regularly forget/ignore.
So here I am ... 30 ... and struggling with the sanctification gap. But I am grateful that I am not alone on this journey.
And when I was a teenager, I was convinced that by 30 I was going to have my stuff together. I say 'stuff' because there is no way that my 15 year old self would have ever sworn because I am/was a CHRISTIAN and God does not allow for any swearing. (but I digress.) I have the distinct memory of being in a small group listening to prayer requests and being baffled that the adults had so many problems. They had been Christians for a long time, yet they still couldn't get over themselves and had petty problems. I was not going to be like that. By the time I turned 30, I would have my problems ironed out and I would live and effective life inspiring other for Christ.
That's not exactly how my life turned out. I don't have my shit together.
I remember reconnecting with an old friend when I was pregnant. We met for lunch and she brought her four year old along with her. As we talked, she would take breaks in the conversation to correct her son who (much to my shock) did not sit still and "misbehaved" by not coloring quietly for the whole lunch. My son would not act like this. He would be a good four year old and listen to his mother. HA!
There comes a time in all of our lives when we compare our expectations to reality. By 30, we *should* be able to keep our houses clean... but my husband is regularly frustrated by the regular mess and lack of vacuuming/dusting/clean toilets (and so am I when I'm honest). By 30, we should have figured out what we want to do 'when we grow up' ... but I sit with 2 masters degrees wondering when I will get to use my knowledge. By 30, we should have a solid community of friends who will support us in the good and bad times... but I'm not sure I even have a best friend much less a community of support.
So I have come to realize that I had great expectations for my life and my 'results' are underwhelming. There is always more to do, several habits to change or add, and character to develop within myself. When I think about what I expected my life to be like at 30 a decade ago, there is very little comparison. In some ways, I am far more blessed that I thought I ever could be. God has blessed me with an amazing husband, a vivacious and good son, a quality education, and an amazing home. Other aspects of my life are simply different than I had imagined; I do not work in an orphanage in an exotic land but I am a soon-to-be foster mom. I never had a serious career but I was able to deepen my relationship with God through a formal education. However, I think the areas of greatest disappointment come back to character issues. My extended family and I have parted ways and I can't see a resolution to the matter. I have come to dislike church culture so that I have a hard time finding a community to be part of. My heart often fails to break for the hurt around me and I turn a blind eye more often than Jesus' would have.
So what am I to do? When I finally admit to myself that I am not who I want to be or who I expected I would be, where do I go from here? What do I do with this gap?
From what I can see, I have several options. I can ignore the gap, I can keep trying harder, or I can ask for help.
I know that I can only live an abundant, flourishing life through God. So many different ideas and verses reflect the idea of getting our spiritual daily sustenance from God: the vine and the branches, abiding in Christ, or walking in the Spirit. I know that I cannot do this through my own power, but only through Christ who strengthens me and with the help of the Spirit. I know that Christianity doesn't have any 'secret knowledge' or special means of getting to this place, but still I feel like I am missing something important.
On the days that I just can't seem to shake my bad attitude, continually yell at my two year old, complain about the people who love me, and am generally nasty (all while trying to convince myself that I'm just hungry or tired or SOMETHING external is wrong...) I try and pray. I know that God can change my hard, angry heart - but I also know that He often uses the journey to truly change me rather than just wave away my bad attitude. I just wish that I knew how to maintain this connection to God. It feels like everything I try is within my own power and strength.
And so even following God is not how I expected it to be. I recognize that God works in ways that we do not understand. On my wall, I have a quote written by J.P. Moreland saying "God maintains a delicate balance between keeping His existence sufficiently evidence so people will know He's there and yet hiding His presence enough so that people who want to choose to ignore Him can do it. This way, their choice of destiny is really free." And I think perhaps that this not only applies to God's existence but also His presence and growth in our lives. God often moves slowly so that the change is real and permanent. One simple prayer of 'Help me change my bad attitude' will not wipe away the habits of selfishness that I have stored up in my heart. God wants me to truly choose Him rather than just wish He was there in the frustrating moments.
As with most things in the Christian life, closing the sanctification gap (or different between who I know I am called to be and the reality of my heart) is a paradox and an partnership. God (usually) will not instantly change my heart but I cannot change my heart on my own. We work together. I have no idea why God works this way in the world - it seems rather inefficient to me - but then again I am not God. Perhaps I miss the bigger picture of me falling in love with God and learning to work with Him. Perhaps the idea is more of two lovers learning to walk in step with one another than a parent teaching her child to walk. God has designed so that we work with Him in the process of becoming like Jesus as we realize how truly wonderful He is. Perhaps my focus this decade should be to spend more time gazing into the heart of my Savior than trying to grow up and walk independently of my parent. Such a simple truth - that I must spend time with God to know and love Him - but one that I regularly forget/ignore.
So here I am ... 30 ... and struggling with the sanctification gap. But I am grateful that I am not alone on this journey.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Picking Sides
I’ve been wanting to start blogging much more regularly about topics that matter to me, mainly education, faith, family, and intentionality. I see Christianity in America giving up its strongholds scientific naturalism, apathy, and culture wars. As a Christian, it is so easy to start picking sides and creating allies and enemies based on political or philosophical ideas. However, we forget the bigger picture.
I was thinking about the somewhat recent debate between Ken Ham and Bill Nye, a video can be found here. In this video and in his ministry, Ken Ham argues strongly that the first chapters in Genesis are to be taken completely literally, and the story presented can account for all scientific discoveries. Bill Nye argues that young earth creationism (YEC) cannot account for the fossil record, observations in astronomy, or the age of the earth. Nye recognizes that many people of faith do not hold to YEC and merely argues against this very literal reading and the scientific perspectives that result. For quite a long time, I held to the YEC theory because I believed the Bible to be true. I thought that any reading besides the literal one was not true to Scripture and found it to be offensive. I saw anyone speaking against a literalist view of any part of the Bible as being anti-Christianity and doing a lot of damage.
In fact, I often saw people who disagreed with me as doing, and were vocal about it, as being against Christ. I thought that in order to properly love God, you had to agree with my political opinions, way of interpreting the Bible, and way that I expressed my faith (an early morning Bible study, prayer before every meal, and a judgmental look before a smirk at an inappropriate comment). Our culture has taught us to pick sides; we often define ourselves by the opinions we hold and the people with which we associate. When we befriend with the people who are similar to us, it becomes easy to look down on the differences of others and see them as bad. If you have less money than I do, then you don’t know how to properly manage your resources. If you have more money than I do, then you must have an issue with greed or selfishness. If you are thinner than I am, then you spend too much time on your body and have a vanity problem, but if you are heavier than I am then you have an issue with gluttony. Because I, naturally, have it all together. While I am, of course, being sarcastic, it is easy to slip into these ways of thinking about politics, money, wealth, generosity, anger, or patience. I create my own bubble of what it means to be a good Christian and anyone a deviation or two off of myself no longer loves Jesus.
But, when we are being honest, life is not that simple. Ken Ham believes that he is defending his faith, the Bible, and the Kingdom of God as he pours all of himself into preaching YEC. However, Hugh Ross, a Christian apologist, astrophysicist and promoter of Old Earth Creationism also believes that he is defending the faith, the Bible, and the Kingdom of God - even though his message is directly contradictory to Ken Ham. Both (presumably) love Jesus but are preaching opposing messages. So what are we to do? How are we to handle differences in opinion or perspectives - especially when these topics are close to our hearts and significant to salvation?
First, we must begin by setting Truth as the goal. We must aim at knowing and understanding the truth, and not just promoting our own perspective. No matter how fond you are of your perspective, or how important it seems to other beliefs, let truth be your goal. Take the hotly debated topic of evolution of the species. An initial reading of the Bible would likely lead you to hold a Young Earth perspective where God created the animals and then formed man from the dust. However, current science tells an opposing story of gradual change over vast amounts of time eventually leading to a variety of different species. If you are a scientist, or classroom teacher, or parent - let us examine what evidence we have and try to come with a coherent story that accounts for scientific theorizing, the story of creation, God’s actions in history, and the fossil record. Why don’t we often take the time to do this? Because it is HARD work! It is extremely difficult to look at the evidence and possibly have been wrong. The scientific and religious communities are so accustomed to ignoring one another that dialogue is awkward and we don’t know where to start. Science often is not open to examining the possibility of truth within religious claims and religion tends to ignore any science that is not in agreement with tradition. It is difficult to admit that some areas we don’t understand completely and might need to change our previously held interpretation (for both sides). Both sides cannot be completely right - and there was only one way that our world was made. Unfortunately, we don’t have an exact description of how this happened and it takes significant work to puzzle out what took place. However, we must be committed to seeking the Truth and being willing to adjust our lives as we come to understand truth more completely. Jesus said “I am the way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father but through me” (John 14:6). If God not True, then there is little point in following him. The goals in our theological and philosophical discussions must be truth.
Second, we must identify what our goal is in having debates or promoting an opinion. In the world of social media, it is easy to become upset at a ‘Friend’s’ post and need to add your opinion. Some feel the need to defend their position at every turn while others like to push certain agendas. Some posts and comments are helpful, but others are just a form of self-promotion. I try and ask myself why I am writing something, and whether or not it will truly be beneficial to those who see it. While I do not always succeed, I want what I write to be an encouragement, promote the Kingdom of God, or help others seek Truth. If any of these objectives are not met, then I really shouldn’t be adding to a debate.
Next, I want to be very careful how I pick sides. The Bible speaks of us being in a spiritual battle, and this is just as applicable today as it was 2000 years ago (Eph 6:12). Our enemy wants us to be deceived and fight amongst ourselves. The more focused we are on proper styles of worship music, writing rules for how frequently a woman can speak, or the less time we will have to spend on loving others, seeking truth, and promoting justice. Let us first ask the question ‘Do we both love God with all our hearts?’ and let the conversation move from there. Once we both realize that we are on the same team, then the debate may progress to areas of disagreement, but we can at least have some point of agreement that may guide our struggle towards truth.
So let us continue to debate the proper way to express sexuality, women in ministry, doubt within faith, whether hell exists, how to deal with divorce, the inerrancy of Scripture, or what to do about sex trafficking. We need to debate these issues because our culture and God’s way of living will always be at odds (Jn 17:14); one promotes self and the other requires death to self (Eph 4:22). But let us do so in a manner that promotes truth and love. Let us remember that loving means saying what is hard, but in a way that respects the other person and promotes them to do good. We are going to have internal struggles as a Christian community, so let us strive to do so in a way that brings light and does not just inflict damage. Remember that our goal is God’s truth and not self-promotion.
On this blog I will write statements that you disagree with. I will probably make you angry, but hopefully I will make you think. Let’s agree to disagree in a way that makes us both better and doesn’t just try to make the other look bad. Let’s be encouraging in our disagreements and not just sweep them under the rug. I’m choosing to draw the dividing lines here: Truth and Lies - and trying to work my own beliefs towards truth.
I was thinking about the somewhat recent debate between Ken Ham and Bill Nye, a video can be found here. In this video and in his ministry, Ken Ham argues strongly that the first chapters in Genesis are to be taken completely literally, and the story presented can account for all scientific discoveries. Bill Nye argues that young earth creationism (YEC) cannot account for the fossil record, observations in astronomy, or the age of the earth. Nye recognizes that many people of faith do not hold to YEC and merely argues against this very literal reading and the scientific perspectives that result. For quite a long time, I held to the YEC theory because I believed the Bible to be true. I thought that any reading besides the literal one was not true to Scripture and found it to be offensive. I saw anyone speaking against a literalist view of any part of the Bible as being anti-Christianity and doing a lot of damage.
In fact, I often saw people who disagreed with me as doing, and were vocal about it, as being against Christ. I thought that in order to properly love God, you had to agree with my political opinions, way of interpreting the Bible, and way that I expressed my faith (an early morning Bible study, prayer before every meal, and a judgmental look before a smirk at an inappropriate comment). Our culture has taught us to pick sides; we often define ourselves by the opinions we hold and the people with which we associate. When we befriend with the people who are similar to us, it becomes easy to look down on the differences of others and see them as bad. If you have less money than I do, then you don’t know how to properly manage your resources. If you have more money than I do, then you must have an issue with greed or selfishness. If you are thinner than I am, then you spend too much time on your body and have a vanity problem, but if you are heavier than I am then you have an issue with gluttony. Because I, naturally, have it all together. While I am, of course, being sarcastic, it is easy to slip into these ways of thinking about politics, money, wealth, generosity, anger, or patience. I create my own bubble of what it means to be a good Christian and anyone a deviation or two off of myself no longer loves Jesus.
But, when we are being honest, life is not that simple. Ken Ham believes that he is defending his faith, the Bible, and the Kingdom of God as he pours all of himself into preaching YEC. However, Hugh Ross, a Christian apologist, astrophysicist and promoter of Old Earth Creationism also believes that he is defending the faith, the Bible, and the Kingdom of God - even though his message is directly contradictory to Ken Ham. Both (presumably) love Jesus but are preaching opposing messages. So what are we to do? How are we to handle differences in opinion or perspectives - especially when these topics are close to our hearts and significant to salvation?
First, we must begin by setting Truth as the goal. We must aim at knowing and understanding the truth, and not just promoting our own perspective. No matter how fond you are of your perspective, or how important it seems to other beliefs, let truth be your goal. Take the hotly debated topic of evolution of the species. An initial reading of the Bible would likely lead you to hold a Young Earth perspective where God created the animals and then formed man from the dust. However, current science tells an opposing story of gradual change over vast amounts of time eventually leading to a variety of different species. If you are a scientist, or classroom teacher, or parent - let us examine what evidence we have and try to come with a coherent story that accounts for scientific theorizing, the story of creation, God’s actions in history, and the fossil record. Why don’t we often take the time to do this? Because it is HARD work! It is extremely difficult to look at the evidence and possibly have been wrong. The scientific and religious communities are so accustomed to ignoring one another that dialogue is awkward and we don’t know where to start. Science often is not open to examining the possibility of truth within religious claims and religion tends to ignore any science that is not in agreement with tradition. It is difficult to admit that some areas we don’t understand completely and might need to change our previously held interpretation (for both sides). Both sides cannot be completely right - and there was only one way that our world was made. Unfortunately, we don’t have an exact description of how this happened and it takes significant work to puzzle out what took place. However, we must be committed to seeking the Truth and being willing to adjust our lives as we come to understand truth more completely. Jesus said “I am the way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes to the Father but through me” (John 14:6). If God not True, then there is little point in following him. The goals in our theological and philosophical discussions must be truth.
Second, we must identify what our goal is in having debates or promoting an opinion. In the world of social media, it is easy to become upset at a ‘Friend’s’ post and need to add your opinion. Some feel the need to defend their position at every turn while others like to push certain agendas. Some posts and comments are helpful, but others are just a form of self-promotion. I try and ask myself why I am writing something, and whether or not it will truly be beneficial to those who see it. While I do not always succeed, I want what I write to be an encouragement, promote the Kingdom of God, or help others seek Truth. If any of these objectives are not met, then I really shouldn’t be adding to a debate.
Next, I want to be very careful how I pick sides. The Bible speaks of us being in a spiritual battle, and this is just as applicable today as it was 2000 years ago (Eph 6:12). Our enemy wants us to be deceived and fight amongst ourselves. The more focused we are on proper styles of worship music, writing rules for how frequently a woman can speak, or the less time we will have to spend on loving others, seeking truth, and promoting justice. Let us first ask the question ‘Do we both love God with all our hearts?’ and let the conversation move from there. Once we both realize that we are on the same team, then the debate may progress to areas of disagreement, but we can at least have some point of agreement that may guide our struggle towards truth.
So let us continue to debate the proper way to express sexuality, women in ministry, doubt within faith, whether hell exists, how to deal with divorce, the inerrancy of Scripture, or what to do about sex trafficking. We need to debate these issues because our culture and God’s way of living will always be at odds (Jn 17:14); one promotes self and the other requires death to self (Eph 4:22). But let us do so in a manner that promotes truth and love. Let us remember that loving means saying what is hard, but in a way that respects the other person and promotes them to do good. We are going to have internal struggles as a Christian community, so let us strive to do so in a way that brings light and does not just inflict damage. Remember that our goal is God’s truth and not self-promotion.
On this blog I will write statements that you disagree with. I will probably make you angry, but hopefully I will make you think. Let’s agree to disagree in a way that makes us both better and doesn’t just try to make the other look bad. Let’s be encouraging in our disagreements and not just sweep them under the rug. I’m choosing to draw the dividing lines here: Truth and Lies - and trying to work my own beliefs towards truth.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Inspiration
I loved this video.
It reminded me that there are good, loving people in the world. I love that the family's Christianity is obvious without being stated. I want to be more like this.
It reminded me that there are good, loving people in the world. I love that the family's Christianity is obvious without being stated. I want to be more like this.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Thankfulness Part 3
I'm thankful for:
1. The Spirit, without whom I would not make it through the day.
2. God's grace
3. God's Word
4. God's patience
5. Reading, and the break it provides
6. Good food (especially chocolate and cheese, but not together)
7. The nature center, and the ability to walk in it.
8. Church
9. Generous neighbors
10. bodyrock.tv
1. The Spirit, without whom I would not make it through the day.
2. God's grace
3. God's Word
4. God's patience
5. Reading, and the break it provides
6. Good food (especially chocolate and cheese, but not together)
7. The nature center, and the ability to walk in it.
8. Church
9. Generous neighbors
10. bodyrock.tv
Happy Birthday Odin!
Happy birthday little man! I love you so much. You are such a joy to us and I am so thankful that you are in our lives. Here's what's going on around our house:
- Odin is walking! He finally decided that he was ready to walk across the room for his birthday week. He is still a bit wobbly, but he can walk where he wants to now. I think he was just waiting till he knew he could do everything he wanted ;)
-Odin understands a lot of words, but he still isn't saying many. He says 'mama' whenever he wants something, 'du' when he sees ducks, and occasionally 'dada' for dad.
-We are teaching Odin to get things and bring them to Mom. He does it fairly well.
-Odin can now point to what he wants. He also can identify people in pictures (well, Mom, Dad, MeeMaw, and sometimes his uncle).
-Unfortunately, Odin has learned how to throw major fits when he doesn't get what he wants. I'm happy that he is determined, but hitting temper tantrums this early scares me.
-We are just getting over Odin's first (and hopefully last) case of croup. He sounded terrible, but took being sick well. He is certainly a fighter.
-The day after his birthday, completely out of nowhere, Odin started clapping. He now claps when he is happy and as he is deciding if he wants to throw a fit. He also gives high-fives.
-Odin 'zerberts' our tummies. He will pull up his dad's shirt, and blow on his tummy till he makes noise. He is so proud of himself when he does it.
What he loves:
-The vacuum. He gets excited when I say the word, and loves to push it around. Let's hope he stays enthusiastic about chores.
-Food. He is getting to have a pickier palate, but he loves eating what Mom eats. His current favorites are spagetti, tangerines, rice, rice cakes, rice crackers and (*cough*) cookies.
-Dancing. He loves music, especially the theme songs for my TV shows. He gets so happy and instantly dances when he hears them.
-Walks. We go for at least one walk a day, and Odin loves being outside.
-Odin's favorite game is taking things out and putting them back into a box. He also loves his stacking cups and playing 'pretend' with Mom's kitchen tools.
He dislikes:
-The carseat. He throws a major fit getting into it, but is doing better about calming down while we drive.
-Being separated from Mom. Separation anxiety is in full swing. I can't even go to bootcamp workouts anymore, because he has a major meltdown with Dad.
-Doctors. As soon as we met our new doctor (who I love), Odin started screaming. I think he remembers getting his blood drawn at 6 months, and has associated the experience with doctors.
Odin is growing up so fast, it feels like he does something new every day. We love you and are praying you inspire virtue.
- Odin is walking! He finally decided that he was ready to walk across the room for his birthday week. He is still a bit wobbly, but he can walk where he wants to now. I think he was just waiting till he knew he could do everything he wanted ;)
-Odin understands a lot of words, but he still isn't saying many. He says 'mama' whenever he wants something, 'du' when he sees ducks, and occasionally 'dada' for dad.
-We are teaching Odin to get things and bring them to Mom. He does it fairly well.
-Odin can now point to what he wants. He also can identify people in pictures (well, Mom, Dad, MeeMaw, and sometimes his uncle).
-Unfortunately, Odin has learned how to throw major fits when he doesn't get what he wants. I'm happy that he is determined, but hitting temper tantrums this early scares me.
-We are just getting over Odin's first (and hopefully last) case of croup. He sounded terrible, but took being sick well. He is certainly a fighter.
-The day after his birthday, completely out of nowhere, Odin started clapping. He now claps when he is happy and as he is deciding if he wants to throw a fit. He also gives high-fives.
-Odin 'zerberts' our tummies. He will pull up his dad's shirt, and blow on his tummy till he makes noise. He is so proud of himself when he does it.
What he loves:
-The vacuum. He gets excited when I say the word, and loves to push it around. Let's hope he stays enthusiastic about chores.
-Food. He is getting to have a pickier palate, but he loves eating what Mom eats. His current favorites are spagetti, tangerines, rice, rice cakes, rice crackers and (*cough*) cookies.
-Dancing. He loves music, especially the theme songs for my TV shows. He gets so happy and instantly dances when he hears them.
-Walks. We go for at least one walk a day, and Odin loves being outside.
-Odin's favorite game is taking things out and putting them back into a box. He also loves his stacking cups and playing 'pretend' with Mom's kitchen tools.
He dislikes:
-The carseat. He throws a major fit getting into it, but is doing better about calming down while we drive.
-Being separated from Mom. Separation anxiety is in full swing. I can't even go to bootcamp workouts anymore, because he has a major meltdown with Dad.
-Doctors. As soon as we met our new doctor (who I love), Odin started screaming. I think he remembers getting his blood drawn at 6 months, and has associated the experience with doctors.
Odin is growing up so fast, it feels like he does something new every day. We love you and are praying you inspire virtue.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Thankfulness Part 2: Difficulty
Perhaps I have a mis-shapen soul, but I am afraid that my soul needs a bit of trouble. I'm not saying that I like discipline, hardship, or pain (quite the opposite), but I find that my heart wanders from God in the good times. These last couple of years have brought their fair share of trouble but in looking back I am thankful. I am thankful to be reminded of the goodness of the good in my life, and long for heaven when I see this world's brokenness. So in no particular order, I am thankful for these hard blessings.
1. Financial Difficulty. Right now we are loosing money on a monthly basis, and it is stressful. Our situation is a result of the choices that we have made, and I am grateful for the reminder that what we have comes from God. God will provide, and we can trust Him to take care of us. I am thankful that we haven't gone hungry, we have a warm and comfortable home, and that my husband has a good job.
2. Salah's Job. The assignment that Salah took on this year is very nontraditional and difficult. He teaches at a community day school, which is a step past the continuation school (read: kids in and out of juvy). According to what he says, the students often have difficult attitudes and struggle to learn, or even apply themselves. I really don't understand what this is like for him, but he often comes home tired and worn out. I am thankful for the reminder that parenting matters, and I am setting up Odin for the rest of his life. I am thankful that I was blessed to have a good home life and people who cared about me so that I didn't get into trouble. I am thankful that I have to rely on God to get us through this season.
3. A reminder to live a good life. Last year we took care of my grandpa, who is in failing health and has dementia. Since he doesn't remember much, it was very interesting to see where his mind went. He frequently told the same stories and reminisced about the good times. This is going to sound terrible, but he lived a fairly selfish life. He rarely talked about his children, was most proud of wrestling a bully in college, and did not speak about God. My family has a lot of drama right now, and while this is partially because of the choices that certain people have made in their own lives, it is also a result of the way my grandpa parented. It has been really difficult dealing with my family, but it has been a good reminder that I need to daily live my life to the fullest, looking to Jesus. When I come to the end of my life I really hope that I don't loose my mind, but if I do, then I want to re-tell kingdom building stories, pray repeatedly, and speak lovingly of my children. I prefer positive examples, but sometimes negative ones can be just as effective.
4. My Elimination Diet. For almost a year I have chosen to eliminate allergenic foods from my diet so that Odin wouldn't have reflux. For a while all I ate was turkey, pears, potatoes, and rice. I have slowly been able to add things back into my diet and at this point I don't eat dairy or chocolate and try not to each much wheat. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be very intentional about what I eat, and having to sacrifice for someone else. I now better understand fasting, and hope to continue this practice in the future. I have been able to re-experience food (which has been fun). I have learned what sacrifice feels like when the person doesn't understand what you are doing for them. I love you Odin, and am glad that I could lessen your tummy troubles!
5. Loneliness. We have really tried to keep Odin from getting sick (again) this last year. Fortunately, it has worked. Unfortunately, it often means that I don't get out much and have to limit our contact with others. We often have to cancel play dates because of sickness and avoid nursery like the plague. Some days are harder than others, but in general I am thankful for the opportunity to appreciate my friends more and rely on God when others aren't around.
6. Separation from Family. There are times that I hear others talk about their awesome parents, or are able to go on dates without having to find a babysitter and I am very jealous. But I am thankful that I have family to miss, and that my relationship with my mom is such that I wish she was around. Hopefully things will change, but until then, I am glad that I can develop other friends.
7. Being Tired. These days I am tired most of the time (and no, I'm not pregnant again!). I'm tired because I have an awesome, but very crazy/energetic, one year old who NEVER STOPS. I am thankful that he is part of my life, even if it means less energy.
8. Chores. A mother's life is always full of never ending laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning. Some days I hate it, but I am learning to appreciate it. I am thankful that we have a house to clean, food to prepare, and a baby who dirties clothes. My life is full, even if it is partially full of monotony. I am blessed.
9. Odin's Rough Year. I know I keep talking about it, but Odin's sickness really scared us this past year. People say that babies' personalities start very young, but Odin was so different as a baby. At first, I just thought he was very even tempered and quiet, but really he was just super sick. I am thankful that this time is over, that it made me realize how fragile life is, for restoring relationships, and pushing me to rely on God.
10. Distractions. I feel like my life is full of them, but I am learning that the distractions put things into focus, emphasize what is important, and make me take my life one moment at a time.
1. Financial Difficulty. Right now we are loosing money on a monthly basis, and it is stressful. Our situation is a result of the choices that we have made, and I am grateful for the reminder that what we have comes from God. God will provide, and we can trust Him to take care of us. I am thankful that we haven't gone hungry, we have a warm and comfortable home, and that my husband has a good job.
2. Salah's Job. The assignment that Salah took on this year is very nontraditional and difficult. He teaches at a community day school, which is a step past the continuation school (read: kids in and out of juvy). According to what he says, the students often have difficult attitudes and struggle to learn, or even apply themselves. I really don't understand what this is like for him, but he often comes home tired and worn out. I am thankful for the reminder that parenting matters, and I am setting up Odin for the rest of his life. I am thankful that I was blessed to have a good home life and people who cared about me so that I didn't get into trouble. I am thankful that I have to rely on God to get us through this season.
3. A reminder to live a good life. Last year we took care of my grandpa, who is in failing health and has dementia. Since he doesn't remember much, it was very interesting to see where his mind went. He frequently told the same stories and reminisced about the good times. This is going to sound terrible, but he lived a fairly selfish life. He rarely talked about his children, was most proud of wrestling a bully in college, and did not speak about God. My family has a lot of drama right now, and while this is partially because of the choices that certain people have made in their own lives, it is also a result of the way my grandpa parented. It has been really difficult dealing with my family, but it has been a good reminder that I need to daily live my life to the fullest, looking to Jesus. When I come to the end of my life I really hope that I don't loose my mind, but if I do, then I want to re-tell kingdom building stories, pray repeatedly, and speak lovingly of my children. I prefer positive examples, but sometimes negative ones can be just as effective.
4. My Elimination Diet. For almost a year I have chosen to eliminate allergenic foods from my diet so that Odin wouldn't have reflux. For a while all I ate was turkey, pears, potatoes, and rice. I have slowly been able to add things back into my diet and at this point I don't eat dairy or chocolate and try not to each much wheat. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be very intentional about what I eat, and having to sacrifice for someone else. I now better understand fasting, and hope to continue this practice in the future. I have been able to re-experience food (which has been fun). I have learned what sacrifice feels like when the person doesn't understand what you are doing for them. I love you Odin, and am glad that I could lessen your tummy troubles!
5. Loneliness. We have really tried to keep Odin from getting sick (again) this last year. Fortunately, it has worked. Unfortunately, it often means that I don't get out much and have to limit our contact with others. We often have to cancel play dates because of sickness and avoid nursery like the plague. Some days are harder than others, but in general I am thankful for the opportunity to appreciate my friends more and rely on God when others aren't around.
6. Separation from Family. There are times that I hear others talk about their awesome parents, or are able to go on dates without having to find a babysitter and I am very jealous. But I am thankful that I have family to miss, and that my relationship with my mom is such that I wish she was around. Hopefully things will change, but until then, I am glad that I can develop other friends.
7. Being Tired. These days I am tired most of the time (and no, I'm not pregnant again!). I'm tired because I have an awesome, but very crazy/energetic, one year old who NEVER STOPS. I am thankful that he is part of my life, even if it means less energy.
8. Chores. A mother's life is always full of never ending laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning. Some days I hate it, but I am learning to appreciate it. I am thankful that we have a house to clean, food to prepare, and a baby who dirties clothes. My life is full, even if it is partially full of monotony. I am blessed.
9. Odin's Rough Year. I know I keep talking about it, but Odin's sickness really scared us this past year. People say that babies' personalities start very young, but Odin was so different as a baby. At first, I just thought he was very even tempered and quiet, but really he was just super sick. I am thankful that this time is over, that it made me realize how fragile life is, for restoring relationships, and pushing me to rely on God.
10. Distractions. I feel like my life is full of them, but I am learning that the distractions put things into focus, emphasize what is important, and make me take my life one moment at a time.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Thankfulness Part 1
Thankfulness in November isn't exactly original, but I decided that I'd join the bandwagon. I've realized that my heart gets cranky and unsatisfied if I don't regularly practice thankfulness, so I might as well share (or at least record) how I have been blessed. What I am thankful for also nicely corresponds with what is happening in my life, and I like having something look back on and see what life was like with a one year old :)
I know that I won'thave the time be disciplined enough to do this daily, so I thought I'd group post. The first set of things I am thankful for are God's blessings in my life.
1. My husband, Salah. I am so thankful for my husband, and I truly cannot imagine my life without him. He is my best friend, partner, and love. When we first became a couple, he told me that he wanted to encourage me, support me, and challenge my relationship with God. I am so thankful that he has done all three. The more I see other couples, the more I realize that we are (or have let ourselves become) a good match for each other. Although he sometimes drives me crazy, I know that he always has my best interest in mind and is genuinely on my side. We both have issues, but somehow our issues work together and (mostly) push the other to be better. I cannot imagine a better life partner and I am so grateful for the 8+ years of our marriage.
2. My son, Odin. I love that little man! Before becoming a parent, I didn't understand how much you could love someone (and so quickly!). It has been my great pleasure to watch Odin grow, learn, and explore. He brings joy to my life daily, challenges me to be a better person, and helps me to appreciate the little things (and slow down to see them). I am so glad that he is a part of our lives.
3. My mom. I haven't always been on the best of terms with my mom, or family, but this last year has made me appreciate my mom. She sacrifices for us, and has always been a great example of how to love the Lord faithfully. I am glad she is part of our lives, and hope that she can become a more regular part soon.
4. Healing in my relationship with my mom. This time last year I wasn't sure if I wanted my mom to be part of my life at all, and had no idea how reconciliation would happen. I remember driving home from Bible Study and feeling like the Lord was telling me that He could and would heal our relationship - and I wasn't sure that I believed Him. Odin was VERY sick, and (when we finally told her everything that was going on) she immediately flew down, stepped in, and really helped us work through his issues. She used up 2+ years of time share time so that we could have a place to go out of our toxic apartment, and has regularly been a part of our life since. I am so grateful for God's healing of our relationship and that I can talk to her regularly. God truly is the great Counselor and Prince of Peace.
5. Our health. There is nothing like experiencing a time of sickness to make you appreciate health. I am so grateful that Odin is now healthy (and active and CRAZY) rather than lethargic and fighting for his life! I am grateful that Salah and I are generally healthy and don't struggle with health issues. I am thankful that Odin hasn't caught any crazy/weird childhood illnesses and that even his colds haven't been too bad. Thank you Jesus for our health, may we take care of the bodies you have entrusted to us!
6. Our house (and Long Beach). I never thought I would like living in Southern California, but I love Long Beach. I am grateful for this house, for our friendly and generous neighbors, for the nature center, and for its safety.
7. Friends (especially other moms). I am so thankful for friends. I really need other people to keep me sane. Being a mom is tough, and I am grateful for the other moms who reach out to me and encourage me to keep fighting the good fight through washing dishes, doing laundry, making meals, and wiping noses.
8. Being a stay at home mom. I love being a stay at home mom. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to spend my days with Odin and intentionally build him up. I love that I get to see every milestone, make him laugh, read to him, and watch him sleep. I LOVE what I do, and there is nothing I would rather be doing than teaching Odin. Salah has sacrificed so much so that I can stay at home, and although we have tough days, I am so glad that I get to stay with Odin.
9. Facebook. It may sound silly, but I am thankful for facebook and the opportunity it gives me to stay in touch with far away friends.
10. Walking. I do a lot of walking: it is the way Odin calms down and goes to sleep. I am thankful that I can get out of the house, fill my body with Vitamin D, meet the neighbors, and exercise. I am thankful that I have found a way to give Odin a break (I think he just has so much energy that he needs to be slowed down sometimes). I am grateful that I have a way to realax that is good for me and my son.
I love my life and these boys!
I know that I won't
1. My husband, Salah. I am so thankful for my husband, and I truly cannot imagine my life without him. He is my best friend, partner, and love. When we first became a couple, he told me that he wanted to encourage me, support me, and challenge my relationship with God. I am so thankful that he has done all three. The more I see other couples, the more I realize that we are (or have let ourselves become) a good match for each other. Although he sometimes drives me crazy, I know that he always has my best interest in mind and is genuinely on my side. We both have issues, but somehow our issues work together and (mostly) push the other to be better. I cannot imagine a better life partner and I am so grateful for the 8+ years of our marriage.
2. My son, Odin. I love that little man! Before becoming a parent, I didn't understand how much you could love someone (and so quickly!). It has been my great pleasure to watch Odin grow, learn, and explore. He brings joy to my life daily, challenges me to be a better person, and helps me to appreciate the little things (and slow down to see them). I am so glad that he is a part of our lives.
3. My mom. I haven't always been on the best of terms with my mom, or family, but this last year has made me appreciate my mom. She sacrifices for us, and has always been a great example of how to love the Lord faithfully. I am glad she is part of our lives, and hope that she can become a more regular part soon.
4. Healing in my relationship with my mom. This time last year I wasn't sure if I wanted my mom to be part of my life at all, and had no idea how reconciliation would happen. I remember driving home from Bible Study and feeling like the Lord was telling me that He could and would heal our relationship - and I wasn't sure that I believed Him. Odin was VERY sick, and (when we finally told her everything that was going on) she immediately flew down, stepped in, and really helped us work through his issues. She used up 2+ years of time share time so that we could have a place to go out of our toxic apartment, and has regularly been a part of our life since. I am so grateful for God's healing of our relationship and that I can talk to her regularly. God truly is the great Counselor and Prince of Peace.
5. Our health. There is nothing like experiencing a time of sickness to make you appreciate health. I am so grateful that Odin is now healthy (and active and CRAZY) rather than lethargic and fighting for his life! I am grateful that Salah and I are generally healthy and don't struggle with health issues. I am thankful that Odin hasn't caught any crazy/weird childhood illnesses and that even his colds haven't been too bad. Thank you Jesus for our health, may we take care of the bodies you have entrusted to us!
6. Our house (and Long Beach). I never thought I would like living in Southern California, but I love Long Beach. I am grateful for this house, for our friendly and generous neighbors, for the nature center, and for its safety.
7. Friends (especially other moms). I am so thankful for friends. I really need other people to keep me sane. Being a mom is tough, and I am grateful for the other moms who reach out to me and encourage me to keep fighting the good fight through washing dishes, doing laundry, making meals, and wiping noses.
8. Being a stay at home mom. I love being a stay at home mom. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to spend my days with Odin and intentionally build him up. I love that I get to see every milestone, make him laugh, read to him, and watch him sleep. I LOVE what I do, and there is nothing I would rather be doing than teaching Odin. Salah has sacrificed so much so that I can stay at home, and although we have tough days, I am so glad that I get to stay with Odin.
9. Facebook. It may sound silly, but I am thankful for facebook and the opportunity it gives me to stay in touch with far away friends.
10. Walking. I do a lot of walking: it is the way Odin calms down and goes to sleep. I am thankful that I can get out of the house, fill my body with Vitamin D, meet the neighbors, and exercise. I am thankful that I have found a way to give Odin a break (I think he just has so much energy that he needs to be slowed down sometimes). I am grateful that I have a way to realax that is good for me and my son.
I love my life and these boys!
Friday, November 2, 2012
Remembering
Uggh... This is one of those days that I usually pretend that doesn't exist. Today is the 12th anniversary of my dad's suicide. I never know what to feel today, or what to expect. Part of me is sad, part is angry, part hurts and part just doesn't know how to process. Sometimes I don't feel anything and then feel guilty about that. It's not my favorite day, and generally makes me hate the Halloween season in general.
Today usually makes me start asking 'what if' questions. What if he had lived? What would have happened? Would we have mended our relationship? Would I have met/married Salah? Would my life look drastically different? What if I hadn't been rude the last time I talked to him? One part of me knows that if he had lived, our relationship would have been rocky for a while - I had (and maybe still do) have issues with his anger, his part in my parent's breakup, and feelings of abandonment. The fact that he is dead changes my part of reconciliation. There is no present relationship to mend, no current pain to deal with. I "just" have to deal with what has happened in the past. My part is to heal and then go on with life. Although typing that just seems cold. Either way, I am reminded that my life has been shaped by the choices of others, particularly my father's death.
This is the first year that I've dealt with my dad's death as a parent. Last year I was anticipating giving birth that I didn't really have the emotional space to process it. But now, things have calmed down, and I wonder (again) what I'm going to say to Odin about his grandfather. When do you explain to your child that his grandfather committed suicide? How do you say that? I'm beginning to understand why parents keep things from their children (that children think they can handle, be it true or not). What questions will Odin ask? Do I just tell Odin that he died, and then later explain the suicide? As with many things, I don't think there is a right or an easy answer. I won't pretend to say that I know what I'm going to do.
As time passes, I feel that I'm able to understand my dad more, which is actually nice. When I was younger I was very optimistic, hadn't faced many tough choices, and didn't understand how a person could love another yet still hurt them. I'm not anywhere close to suicidal, or even depressed, but I have experienced loneliness, intense frustration, heartbreak, no-win scenarios, and being backed into a corner. I wish that he had been able to reach out and get help, but I now better understand him feeling trapped. I still feel hurt, even after all this time and a better understanding of him.
I am grateful that things have gotten easier. My dad was far from a perfect parent, and I still have scars from his actions. But I don't feel trapped by them anymore. While I absolutely want to give Odin my best, I have to say that I feel some comfort that if I can move past my dad, Odin will (by the grace of God) be able to move past my inevitable parenting mistakes (not that I want to hurt him, but I know I've already given him a few bad habits). I am so glad that God heals our hearts, even if part of the process is painful remembrance.
I miss you dad.
Today usually makes me start asking 'what if' questions. What if he had lived? What would have happened? Would we have mended our relationship? Would I have met/married Salah? Would my life look drastically different? What if I hadn't been rude the last time I talked to him? One part of me knows that if he had lived, our relationship would have been rocky for a while - I had (and maybe still do) have issues with his anger, his part in my parent's breakup, and feelings of abandonment. The fact that he is dead changes my part of reconciliation. There is no present relationship to mend, no current pain to deal with. I "just" have to deal with what has happened in the past. My part is to heal and then go on with life. Although typing that just seems cold. Either way, I am reminded that my life has been shaped by the choices of others, particularly my father's death.
This is the first year that I've dealt with my dad's death as a parent. Last year I was anticipating giving birth that I didn't really have the emotional space to process it. But now, things have calmed down, and I wonder (again) what I'm going to say to Odin about his grandfather. When do you explain to your child that his grandfather committed suicide? How do you say that? I'm beginning to understand why parents keep things from their children (that children think they can handle, be it true or not). What questions will Odin ask? Do I just tell Odin that he died, and then later explain the suicide? As with many things, I don't think there is a right or an easy answer. I won't pretend to say that I know what I'm going to do.
As time passes, I feel that I'm able to understand my dad more, which is actually nice. When I was younger I was very optimistic, hadn't faced many tough choices, and didn't understand how a person could love another yet still hurt them. I'm not anywhere close to suicidal, or even depressed, but I have experienced loneliness, intense frustration, heartbreak, no-win scenarios, and being backed into a corner. I wish that he had been able to reach out and get help, but I now better understand him feeling trapped. I still feel hurt, even after all this time and a better understanding of him.
I am grateful that things have gotten easier. My dad was far from a perfect parent, and I still have scars from his actions. But I don't feel trapped by them anymore. While I absolutely want to give Odin my best, I have to say that I feel some comfort that if I can move past my dad, Odin will (by the grace of God) be able to move past my inevitable parenting mistakes (not that I want to hurt him, but I know I've already given him a few bad habits). I am so glad that God heals our hearts, even if part of the process is painful remembrance.
I miss you dad.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Where does time go?
11 months went by very fast!
First let me get this out of the way: I LOVE Odin! He is so amazing. I definitely didn't expect to be this in love, and have so much fun playing with him. Being his mom is awesome!
He is growing up so fast (I know, it's what everyone says, but it's true!).
Here are a few highlights and new things going on in my world.
-Odin started giving 'kisses'. It's the sweetest thing, but it is actually more of a bite. Both Salah and I love it!
-When he's tired, Odin will come up to me and lay his head on me. I LOVE these snuggles. It's so sweet to see him starting to give affection and express himself.
-In the last week he has started talking (babbling really). As with everything he does, its cute.
-On October 11, he took his first wobbly step. He can stand on his own when he wants to. Normally, this is when he forgets to hold himself up, but keeps standing. He doesn't have much confidence in his walking, and for now prefers the speed of crawling.
-Odin's hatred of the carseat has increased. We had a tough trip to MOPS at the beginning of the month. Thankfully he fell asleep on the way home last time. It's so hard when he screams unconsolably.
-Stranger danger and separation anxiety are in full swing. Odin LOVES mom, and sometimes wants me to hold him constantly, even when we are at home.
-Odin's health continues to be good (thank you Lord!) and we haven't had any major crises lately. Even when Salah got a bad cold (hopefully the flu, so we don't get it later), Odin was barely sick. I am so grateful he continues to do well.
-Food wise, Odin continues to surprise me. I never know how much or what he is going to eat. In general, he is not too picky (and even has a sweet tooth like mama). His food allergies continue to improve. I now can eat everything but dairy and chocolate as far as he is concerned (although I might have a wheat intolerance). I even tried pizza (SO GOOD!!) for the first time in over 8 months, and so far it doesn't seem to bother him.
-Odin continues to have SO.MUCH.ENERGY. You would never guess that the first 2+ months of his life he was lethargic. He loves play time, being 'chased' by mom, and exploring new things.
-For now, Odin still takes 2 naps a day. I never know how long they are going to last, but I try to get done what I can while he sleeps. He has started going to bed at night without a walk, which is convenient since the weather is a balmy 60 degrees most night (much to chilly for him).
-Odin has started to play ball by rolling it to me. His directional abilities are lacking, but it's still fun. He has amazing bodily spatial awareness, and even when crawling over the desk, chairs, and table, he rarely smacks his head. Clearly, he has the spatial awareness of his father and not his mother.
-Diaper changes have become crazy. Earlier this month he started refusing to lay on his back. Have you ever tried to change a poopy diaper while the baby rolls over? It's not easy, let me tell you. My solution to this has been changing him standing up. This, thankfully, is easier than it sounds once you get the hang of it.
-Odin *ahem* loves pretty girls. Normally he is very shy with strangers, but if you happen to be an attractive young lady (especially blonde) then he will reach out and smile like crazy. I'm already a bit nervous
-Apparently Odin is more aware of social trends than I am. We recently found out that if he is fussy, he will instantly calm down to the song 'gangnam style.' We still have yet to video tape this.
All in all, it's been a fun and busy month. Odin is becoming so much more fun to play with, and I love watching him explore. Thanks for tolerating my 'mom posts' I just want to make sure I record this phase of life in all its joys and struggles.
First let me get this out of the way: I LOVE Odin! He is so amazing. I definitely didn't expect to be this in love, and have so much fun playing with him. Being his mom is awesome!
He is growing up so fast (I know, it's what everyone says, but it's true!).
Here are a few highlights and new things going on in my world.
-Odin started giving 'kisses'. It's the sweetest thing, but it is actually more of a bite. Both Salah and I love it!
-When he's tired, Odin will come up to me and lay his head on me. I LOVE these snuggles. It's so sweet to see him starting to give affection and express himself.
-In the last week he has started talking (babbling really). As with everything he does, its cute.
-On October 11, he took his first wobbly step. He can stand on his own when he wants to. Normally, this is when he forgets to hold himself up, but keeps standing. He doesn't have much confidence in his walking, and for now prefers the speed of crawling.
-Odin's hatred of the carseat has increased. We had a tough trip to MOPS at the beginning of the month. Thankfully he fell asleep on the way home last time. It's so hard when he screams unconsolably.
-Stranger danger and separation anxiety are in full swing. Odin LOVES mom, and sometimes wants me to hold him constantly, even when we are at home.
-Odin's health continues to be good (thank you Lord!) and we haven't had any major crises lately. Even when Salah got a bad cold (hopefully the flu, so we don't get it later), Odin was barely sick. I am so grateful he continues to do well.
-Food wise, Odin continues to surprise me. I never know how much or what he is going to eat. In general, he is not too picky (and even has a sweet tooth like mama). His food allergies continue to improve. I now can eat everything but dairy and chocolate as far as he is concerned (although I might have a wheat intolerance). I even tried pizza (SO GOOD!!) for the first time in over 8 months, and so far it doesn't seem to bother him.
-Odin continues to have SO.MUCH.ENERGY. You would never guess that the first 2+ months of his life he was lethargic. He loves play time, being 'chased' by mom, and exploring new things.
-For now, Odin still takes 2 naps a day. I never know how long they are going to last, but I try to get done what I can while he sleeps. He has started going to bed at night without a walk, which is convenient since the weather is a balmy 60 degrees most night (much to chilly for him).
-Odin has started to play ball by rolling it to me. His directional abilities are lacking, but it's still fun. He has amazing bodily spatial awareness, and even when crawling over the desk, chairs, and table, he rarely smacks his head. Clearly, he has the spatial awareness of his father and not his mother.
-Diaper changes have become crazy. Earlier this month he started refusing to lay on his back. Have you ever tried to change a poopy diaper while the baby rolls over? It's not easy, let me tell you. My solution to this has been changing him standing up. This, thankfully, is easier than it sounds once you get the hang of it.
-Odin *ahem* loves pretty girls. Normally he is very shy with strangers, but if you happen to be an attractive young lady (especially blonde) then he will reach out and smile like crazy. I'm already a bit nervous
-Apparently Odin is more aware of social trends than I am. We recently found out that if he is fussy, he will instantly calm down to the song 'gangnam style.' We still have yet to video tape this.
All in all, it's been a fun and busy month. Odin is becoming so much more fun to play with, and I love watching him explore. Thanks for tolerating my 'mom posts' I just want to make sure I record this phase of life in all its joys and struggles.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Just Coexist
And acquaintance of mine posted on Facebook last night, saying something to the effect of 'I am proud that my family and friends have diverse religious beliefs and that we all compassionately get along.' Many people 'liked' her post and almost everyone in the comments agreed, supporting the importance of tolerance. While this path of agnostic, tolerance, privatizing religion, and placing an emphasis on personal spirituality is the trend in America, I see this as a move away from truth and am afraid for where it will lead.
On one hand, coexisting is important. History is full of examples of religious differences causing wars where hearts went untouched. I am guessing very few true converts were made during the wars in Ireland, the Bosnian/Serbian slaughter, or the multitude of attacks in the Middle East. Threats of death do not promote truth.
However, the coexisting that is promoted by bumperstickers, t-shirts, and the media is also very unhealthy. If we ignore our differences and try not to bring them up, then we are completely overlooking the point of religion.
Perhaps my view of religion is different than most peoples'. I believe that we must seek truth and aim to have true beliefs, regardless of the subject matter. As I am not an atheist, I believe that God exists, can be known, and so I aim to align my beliefs with who God truly is. Religion is not a cultural preferece, pure spirituality (whatever that means), or a mere set of practices. Instead it is a way of viewing the world and intentional character change to become the kind of person God wants. As I have very different beliefs about God, the world He created, and the kind of person I am supposed to be than Muslims, Mormons, Hindus, and Buddhists, we have different beliefs.
On one hand, coexisting is important. History is full of examples of religious differences causing wars where hearts went untouched. I am guessing very few true converts were made during the wars in Ireland, the Bosnian/Serbian slaughter, or the multitude of attacks in the Middle East. Threats of death do not promote truth.
However, the coexisting that is promoted by bumperstickers, t-shirts, and the media is also very unhealthy. If we ignore our differences and try not to bring them up, then we are completely overlooking the point of religion.
Perhaps my view of religion is different than most peoples'. I believe that we must seek truth and aim to have true beliefs, regardless of the subject matter. As I am not an atheist, I believe that God exists, can be known, and so I aim to align my beliefs with who God truly is. Religion is not a cultural preferece, pure spirituality (whatever that means), or a mere set of practices. Instead it is a way of viewing the world and intentional character change to become the kind of person God wants. As I have very different beliefs about God, the world He created, and the kind of person I am supposed to be than Muslims, Mormons, Hindus, and Buddhists, we have different beliefs.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
10 Months
I know every parent says this, but I can't believe how fast Odin is growing up! I love that little man more and more each day. He is so much fun to be with, and so much to handle! Our little man is definitely intense and he knows what he wants (and how to get it already)!
Likes:
-Play time (he loves doing things on his own and being able to explore)
-Mom, still his favorite person
-Staying up late
-Walks (still how we put him to sleep)
-Reading, especially books with sounds
Dislikes:
-Vegetables and baby food (he recently learned how to spit food out of his mouth)
-Being told no (which he certainly understands)
Milestones:
-He crawls on his hands and knees regularly
-Pulls himself up without effort
-'Cruises' along the couch (I think if we wanted him to walk we could do it easily)
-Playing the 'put it away' game. We just started, but he likes putting things in boxes.
-He has started yelling or shaking when we take something away from him
-It's hard to tell, but it seems like Odin understands lots of words including: mom, dad, eat, drink, look, no, put away, hands, glasses, walk, binkie and lots that I'm not remembering right now.
I love you Odin!
Likes:
-Play time (he loves doing things on his own and being able to explore)
-Mom, still his favorite person
-Staying up late
-Walks (still how we put him to sleep)
-Reading, especially books with sounds
Dislikes:
-Vegetables and baby food (he recently learned how to spit food out of his mouth)
-Being told no (which he certainly understands)
Milestones:
-He crawls on his hands and knees regularly
-Pulls himself up without effort
-'Cruises' along the couch (I think if we wanted him to walk we could do it easily)
-Playing the 'put it away' game. We just started, but he likes putting things in boxes.
-He has started yelling or shaking when we take something away from him
-It's hard to tell, but it seems like Odin understands lots of words including: mom, dad, eat, drink, look, no, put away, hands, glasses, walk, binkie and lots that I'm not remembering right now.
I love you Odin!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Parenting Goals
Being a parent is hard work... obviously. Every parent you will ever meet probably says this regularly, because it is true. As a parent there are dozens of things I have to balance: healthy eating, social interaction, house cleaning, getting enough sleep, staying sane, and (oh yeah) marriage. Because there is so much to do, it is easy to let myself slip into ‘autopilot’ and just get through my day. Survival sometimes seems impossible for me, so how could I do more?
Enough whining for now: parenting is a phenomenal gift (and I love it). I don’t just want to get through the next 18+ years, I want to intentionally raise Odin so that (to the best of my ability) he is an amazing man. I have many dreams and goals for him, and I know that they just won’t ‘happen’ to come about: I need to be an intentional mom.
Having lofty goals and dreams is great, but I need a specific plan of action if things like ‘encourage Odin to love truth’ are ever going to happen. I wanted to write down (and publicly share for accountability) what my dreams for Odin are. If I’m being honest, this is what I want for myself, my husband, and just about everybody I know.... but for now I’ll work on developing it in myself so that I can (hopefully) guide Odin to these.
Physically
-Have energy to be passionate about life
-Be in good shape so that he is not limited by exhaustion, lack of strength or stamina, people’s perceptions, or excess
-Know what good food is and how to eat it, but not be so picky that he insults others
-Be disciplined so that a lack of sleep, food, or energy doesn’t cripple him
Socially
-Truly love others as God loves Him
-Be able to assess a social situation, and read what others are thinking
-Be comfortable in a group or alone
-Have at least one really good friend
Emotionally
-Be self aware to recognize emotions and where they come from
-Understand what energizes him
-Be able to express himself clearly and appropriately when big emotions are involved
Mentally
-Love Truth
-Understand a variety of worldviews and be able to rationally know why he chose his
-Have a wide enough knowledge base to understand topics of general conversation
-Have the research/learning skills to find answers to any question
-Have an ‘always-ready-to-learn’ attitude
Spiritually
-Truly love Jesus
-Be a warrior for the Kingdom of God and actively destroying evil
-Have the confidence to share Jesus with others
I also have some general principles I want to teach him that don’t fit perfectly into any category. Here are some of them...
-Small choices determine character
-Be able to prioritize
-Always keep growing and learning
-Life isn’t fair, make the most of the opportunities you are given
-Life is a process with seasons
-Guard your heart
-Do things right the first time, and if you don’t fix it
May the Lord have mercy over my parenting!
Enough whining for now: parenting is a phenomenal gift (and I love it). I don’t just want to get through the next 18+ years, I want to intentionally raise Odin so that (to the best of my ability) he is an amazing man. I have many dreams and goals for him, and I know that they just won’t ‘happen’ to come about: I need to be an intentional mom.
Having lofty goals and dreams is great, but I need a specific plan of action if things like ‘encourage Odin to love truth’ are ever going to happen. I wanted to write down (and publicly share for accountability) what my dreams for Odin are. If I’m being honest, this is what I want for myself, my husband, and just about everybody I know.... but for now I’ll work on developing it in myself so that I can (hopefully) guide Odin to these.
Physically
-Have energy to be passionate about life
-Be in good shape so that he is not limited by exhaustion, lack of strength or stamina, people’s perceptions, or excess
-Know what good food is and how to eat it, but not be so picky that he insults others
-Be disciplined so that a lack of sleep, food, or energy doesn’t cripple him
Socially
-Truly love others as God loves Him
-Be able to assess a social situation, and read what others are thinking
-Be comfortable in a group or alone
-Have at least one really good friend
Emotionally
-Be self aware to recognize emotions and where they come from
-Understand what energizes him
-Be able to express himself clearly and appropriately when big emotions are involved
Mentally
-Love Truth
-Understand a variety of worldviews and be able to rationally know why he chose his
-Have a wide enough knowledge base to understand topics of general conversation
-Have the research/learning skills to find answers to any question
-Have an ‘always-ready-to-learn’ attitude
Spiritually
-Truly love Jesus
-Be a warrior for the Kingdom of God and actively destroying evil
-Have the confidence to share Jesus with others
I also have some general principles I want to teach him that don’t fit perfectly into any category. Here are some of them...
-Small choices determine character
-Be able to prioritize
-Always keep growing and learning
-Life isn’t fair, make the most of the opportunities you are given
-Life is a process with seasons
-Guard your heart
-Do things right the first time, and if you don’t fix it
May the Lord have mercy over my parenting!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
9 Months
Odin is growing up so fast! Another blog I follow posts monthly updates about her son, and I thought it would be a good idea. Odin changes so quickly and I've already missed chronicling it, but late is better than never, right?
What Odin loves:
Odin is SO independent! He loves doing this for himself. Any time I put something new in front of him, he wants to explore and understand it. His favorite 'toys' are power cords, which we have a hard time keeping away from him! He loves kitchen items (spatulas, bowls, pastry brushes etc) more than typical baby toys. We just got look-and-feel books, which he enjoys often. He doesn't sit still as long for reading as he did a month ago, but he still enjoys being read to. At this point, Odin is definitely a momma's boy, I'm his favorite person! Sometimes it is amazing (like when he snuggles me while on a walk), but other times it can be challenging (when he refuses to go to others). Odin still loves going for walks, it helps to calm him down whenever he is fussy (which really is not very frequent). He want to have time to himself to play and explore - and I appreciate the time also! Odin is very creative and I am constantly having to find new ways to entertain him, or keep him away from un-baby-proofed areas. Odin is very tough, and rarely cries - even when he falls over an bonks his head. He certainly has his parents' pain tolerance.
What Odin dislikes:
Odin does not like being in the car. This isn't new at all, but he is getting more creative at fighting the carseat - much to my chagrin. Unfortunately Odin doesn't like many vegetables - he is a great eater of grains, fruit and beans, but NOT veggies. He got his last tooth a while ago, but he doesn't love teething (who would?). Biting dad helps to ease the pain.
Milestones:
Odin is beginning to crawl with his tummy off the ground. He has been crawling army-style for over a month. He is still faster army style, but is continuing to increase doing it the 'regular' way. Odin can feed himself very well, and appreciates whole food over baby food. He is babbling more and more each day (depending on his mood). He regularly says 'mama' but I don't think he has attached the meaning to me yet. Regularly I look away only to find that Odin has pulled himself up yet again - which is only problematic because he doesn't fall very well yet. He has a tendency to fall on his head rather than his bum. Stranger danger has somewhat set in - he is cautious when he sees new people but doesn't cry. However, he refuses to be held by almost anyone but mom or dad.
All in all, I LOVE being a mom. It is fun, challenging, exciting, and exhausting. Odin is teaching me to appreciate the present moment, take time to relax, PRAY, and enjoy the small things. I am so grateful for my little man - he is growing up so quickly. I want to remember this special time :)
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Love is Love
I like TV, and the break it gives me from my daily routine. Last night I was looking at the new lineup to see if there were any new shows that I could get into. Unfortunately, things do not look very appealing. I am amazed at the combination of stupidity, debauchery, evil, and immorality I found. It seems the media is trying to promote a worldview that is very contrary to the Bible.
The show that caught my eye is "The New Normal" on NBC. It is about a gay couple who hires a woman to be their surrogate. As expected, it has all the quirks of personality clashes, overcoming stereotypes, and the joys of pregnancy. If I'm being honest (and if there were not other problems), it looks like a funny show.
However, this show (from its very title) is presenting a view of the American family that I do not agree with. I believe that marriage is only the union of a man and a woman and that this is the ideal starting point for a family. Although I recognize that many struggle with homosexual desires, the Bible clearly condemns homosexual actions. (William Lane Craig wrote two articles that I agree with here http://www.reasonablefaith.org/a-christian-perspective-on-homosexuality and here http://www.reasonablefaith.org/christian-homosexuals). I do not want to support a show that presents homosexuality as normal and a healthy starting point for a family.
The trailer of the show had an interesting line in it. One of the gay men asked the potential surrogate, "Are you comfortable with carrying a baby for two men?" She replied, "Yes. Love is love." Is any form of love truly love? This certainly is the perspective that our society is heading toward, but it is not biblical. Love can only be defined or understood through God, because God is love (1 John 4:8). We are told that we can know love because Jesus came, lived among us, and died for our sins (v. 10). Any form of true love must be done through the work of the Spirit and will be pleasing to God. According to the Bible, this does not include sexually active homosexual relationships. So love is not love.
The love issues seems to be a reflection of the general issues in our culture. We are told that whatever feels right, is pleasing in the moment, and does not offend anyone else is our good. This leads us to a culture of entitlement, relativity, selfishness, and instant gratificaiton. Christian principles like denying self, choosing what influences you, and sacrificing for others are not popular. America was founded on Christian principles, but I fear we are no longer a Christian nation. We have given into pluralism and accept what makes us comfortable. We do not want to step on other people's toes and give into what seems good in the moment. I fear for where this will lead the nation and want to choose a different path for my family.
Let me be clear: I am not perfect. I daily struggle with selfishness, anger, greed, theft, lying, and pride. These are NOT the kind of traits I am proud of, but they exist within me. The only way that I can conquer them is through the strength of the Spirit. Because I struggle so much, I don't want to choose to be influenced by things that will let me compromise. I don't want to regularly expose myself to the message that love is love, or that what feels good is right. I want to be careful what environment I raise my son in so that he will love what is good. I want him to love the one who truly is love.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Blessings
Ummm... so it's been a while since I posted in here.
In the past two years I've moved 4 times, had a baby, been through some drama, reconnected with old friends, lost a few friends, and generally been busy. But all in all, I am reminded of how blessed I am.
Lately I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and it talks about joy. He says that to worry or stress is to say that what I'm doing is more important than God's call to trust Him. Wow! I am so guilty of that. My life isn't often marked by joy, which is exactly what we are called to do as believers. So I've decided that I want to work on being more joyful, and remembering to rejoice in today because God made it.
An easy way for me to rejoice is to count my blessings. Seeing is how this is a good way to remind myself (and the very few who actually read this) of what's happened, I thought this would be a good time to remember all that God has done. I am blessed because I have a husband who loves me, and works so that I can stay at home with Odin. I am blessed to be a mom to a happy (and now mostly healthy) son. I am blessed to have a mom who is involved in my life and sacrifices to help us. I am blessed to be living in a beautiful house next to an amazing park. I am blessed because I serve a God who loves me enough to sanctify me, no matter how much I resist Him. I am so grateful for my life - I genuinely wake up happy every morning and look forward to my day.
I want to make the most of these moments because I've already seen how fast time goes with a baby. Odin is already so much bigger (and has more personality) than I thought possible at this age. I am so glad to be where I am in life. I am blessed, and rejoicing in the goodness of today and the faithfulness of God.
An easy way for me to rejoice is to count my blessings. Seeing is how this is a good way to remind myself (and the very few who actually read this) of what's happened, I thought this would be a good time to remember all that God has done. I am blessed because I have a husband who loves me, and works so that I can stay at home with Odin. I am blessed to be a mom to a happy (and now mostly healthy) son. I am blessed to have a mom who is involved in my life and sacrifices to help us. I am blessed to be living in a beautiful house next to an amazing park. I am blessed because I serve a God who loves me enough to sanctify me, no matter how much I resist Him. I am so grateful for my life - I genuinely wake up happy every morning and look forward to my day.
I want to make the most of these moments because I've already seen how fast time goes with a baby. Odin is already so much bigger (and has more personality) than I thought possible at this age. I am so glad to be where I am in life. I am blessed, and rejoicing in the goodness of today and the faithfulness of God.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
In the middle
When I was little, I had my life completely planned out. I was going to go to college, meet the man of my dreams, and get married the summer after I graduated. Then I might work for a year or two before having kids. I was going to have 2 or 4 kids and enjoy being a mom. I would of course live in Idaho around my family. Naturally I would keep in touch with my friends from high school and college, as well as going to the same church that I grew up in. My planned life was going to be a natural continuation of the life that I had at the time. It was going to be good. I would fight with my husband every now and then (because that's what every couple does)... we wouldn't completely understand each other but we would always be madly in love. This would be ok because I would always have my girlfriends to confide in, and together we could make it through anything.
For better or for worse, my life is nothing like this. I married a guy in the middle of college, went on for two master's degrees, and now have no idea what will happen as far as a career goes. I think it would be an amazing opportunity to teach, but am not sure that I will be able to find a position. I currently don't live anywhere near my family... who has generally spread out, just like my friends and the church I grew up in. There is no life to go back to even if we did move to Boise. My husband and I get along better than I thought possible; if there are such things as soul-mates, we are a pair. But I have changed and moved at pivotal times that I don't have the close girlfriends I anticipated. Life is good, but certainly not as I expected.
Salah and I went to Portland to check it out and realized that it wasn't the place for us. I had a picture of what it would be like and it was very different. We're pretty sure that it's not the place that we want to put down roots and stay in long term. It was nice that the decision was very clear and we were both on the same page. But now it is really hard to decide where to go from here. I never expected this. I didn't expect to be almost a year out from my masters and still not have a full time job. I didn't expect to wait so long to have kids, and still not be sure when the best time to start that is. I'm not sure what to do when I have somewhat competing interests. I didn't expect so much uncertantity, but that seems to be reality.
I want to live life that is well thought out and intentional, but I'm realizing that hearing about it in graduate school and putting it into practice are two different things. I want to learn to be good to others, but sometimes being good feels very close to enabling. I'm not sure where to go from here, but I know that no matter how hard and frustrating things can seem in the moment, my life is really blessed. It's not what I expected, but I'm glad.
For better or for worse, my life is nothing like this. I married a guy in the middle of college, went on for two master's degrees, and now have no idea what will happen as far as a career goes. I think it would be an amazing opportunity to teach, but am not sure that I will be able to find a position. I currently don't live anywhere near my family... who has generally spread out, just like my friends and the church I grew up in. There is no life to go back to even if we did move to Boise. My husband and I get along better than I thought possible; if there are such things as soul-mates, we are a pair. But I have changed and moved at pivotal times that I don't have the close girlfriends I anticipated. Life is good, but certainly not as I expected.
Salah and I went to Portland to check it out and realized that it wasn't the place for us. I had a picture of what it would be like and it was very different. We're pretty sure that it's not the place that we want to put down roots and stay in long term. It was nice that the decision was very clear and we were both on the same page. But now it is really hard to decide where to go from here. I never expected this. I didn't expect to be almost a year out from my masters and still not have a full time job. I didn't expect to wait so long to have kids, and still not be sure when the best time to start that is. I'm not sure what to do when I have somewhat competing interests. I didn't expect so much uncertantity, but that seems to be reality.
I want to live life that is well thought out and intentional, but I'm realizing that hearing about it in graduate school and putting it into practice are two different things. I want to learn to be good to others, but sometimes being good feels very close to enabling. I'm not sure where to go from here, but I know that no matter how hard and frustrating things can seem in the moment, my life is really blessed. It's not what I expected, but I'm glad.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Late night thoughts
Life for me is in a phase of transition. For a while now Salah and I have both wanted to move out of the area, but that is much easier said than done. We are tired of LA's hectic life schedules, and never feeling like we can really breathe... in more ways than one. We've tossed around several ideas of where we want to go and are currently thinking of Portland, Denver, or Boise. Over spring break we are going to visit a friend in the Portland area to check it out. I'm really hoping we like it there.
But this time has not been easy for me. For those of you who know me, you realize how much I love to be in the know and in control. I like to be able to make decisions based on good reasons and plan ahead. Normally this is a good thing, but lately I have had to learn the art of patience. There simply isn't much that I can do to plan ahead right now (or for the past several months...). I have already looked at some jobs in the area and turned in a resume. We've scoped out houses in the area and they almost make me drool (who knew that you could buy something with a couple acres, a barn, and 3 bedrooms for less than the price of an LA condo?). Even the weather cooperated with an "extended" period of rain, and I actually liked it. So at this point, I've done most everything that I can. While I try to wait patiently, sometimes I get restless.
This restlessness has sent me into a couple periods of introspection. At this point, my mind is regularly wandering toward the future. I think about where we will live, where we will work, who will be our new friends, and what the other next steps are. At other times in my life, I have lived in the past. I would regularly think of those wonderful days and try to find ways to bring them back. What I do not regularly do is live in the present. It is hard for me to embrace the moment. Embrace that the sink is yet again filled with dirty dishes, appreciate the tough home situation of the kid giving me attitude in class, and actually sit back and enjoy the simple things in life like the sunset. Those little moments in life seem to be the ones that shape who we are, yet those are the ones that I push aside in my mind for what was or what I hope will be. I want to learn to take what I can from the past, be wise about the future, but live fully.
I know, I know... this is rather trite. Living in the moment or taking life one day at a time is certainly not a new idea. But as I get older (*sarcastic cough*) I am starting to appreciate the wisdom behind cliches. Certainly I am looking forward to the time when we move to a place that makes it easier to slow down. But I realize that living life intentionally and enjoying the moment is a regular choice. Even if we end up staying in LA for the rest of our lives, I can choose to mentally be where I am. It is my choice to take life as a gift, or resist everything that comes at me.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Dawkins on God
I finally read something Dawkins said that I agree with. Here it is:
Now, there is a certain class of sophisticated modern theologian who will say something like this: "Good heavens, of course we are not so naive or simplistic as to care whether God exists. Existence is such a 19th-century preoccupation! It doesn't matter whether God exists in a scientific sense. What matters is whether he exists for you or for me. If God is real for you, who cares whether science has made him redundant? Such arrogance! Such elitism."
Well, if that's what floats your canoe, you'll be paddling it up a very lonely creek. The mainstream belief of the world's peoples is very clear. They believe in God, and that means they believe he exists in objective reality, just as surely as the Rock of Gibraltar exists. If sophisticated theologians or postmodern relativists think they are rescuing God from the redundancy scrap-heap by downplaying the importance of existence, they should think again. Tell the congregation of a church or mosque that existence is too vulgar an attribute to fasten onto their God, and they will brand you an atheist. They'll be right.
The full article (which is terribly sad) can be read at http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203440104574405030643556324.html
It is nice to see that Dawkins said something that I agree with, since he has been such a strong opponent of God and Christianity. Now he has not let up at all, instead this article details how evolution has left us with a God who has nothing to do - largely because he cannot exist.
Reading this article did two things to me: it made me sad and grateful. I am saddened that our search for knowledge and truth has lead some people to very dark and lonely places. I simply cannot imagine living life where compiled quarks are all that exist. I have no idea how one could function in such a world.
However, this article (about science leaving us with little room for God) has made me humbly gracious. I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to study so that I am confident that God exists. I believe that no matter what new scientific evidence, terrible circumstance, or deep absence of God's felt presence may come my way - that God will still exist. I am deeply convinced of this truth. Even though I still have difficult questions about the correlation of Genesis and evolution, I know that belief in the God of the Bible is more rational than disbelief. I am left sitting humbly at the feet of my Heavenly Father and thanking him not only for his love, but a deep and justified knowledge of his existence and gracious presence in my life. Thank you Jesus!
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