One step at a time

A life-lesson I've been learning lately is to take people where they are.  We are all at different stages of life, levels of growth, and have different areas of strength.  It is often so easy to want to come into a new situation and want to help others make changes for the better.  I meet someone and want to encourage them to make a change that would help them for the better. I see a better way to load the dishwasher, for Salah to be a better driver, or for my friend to be better at calling me back in a timely manner.  But often when I push my way on others, it is not helpful and causes tension in the friendship.  I need to learn the balance of accepting friends for who they are, quirks and all, and being able to share honest feedback when the time is right.  Too often I push what I think is best on people (even if it is only in my own mind that I do the correcting) and do not appreciate them for who they are.  I often forget the power of acceptance and love.  I have been reminded of the power of simply being a friend and taking someone for who they are.  

This week we watched the movie The Sololist and it was very interesting.  In the movie Robert Downey Jr. is a writer for the LA Times and meets a homeless musician (Jaime Fox).  The reporter wants to help the musician change his life and help him off of the streets.  The reporter does everything he can to get the musician chances to play music in Disney Hall, rent a room, and move him off of Skid Row.  However, the musician struggles with mental illness and does not want to be 'trapped' indoors, he wants to live on the streets.  The movie ends powerfully with the reporter learning about the value of friendship.  He stops trying to fix the musician's life and respects him as a  friend.  The reporter accepts the musician and the life he has chosen so that the two can move forward in a real friendship.  As the reporter stops trying to change the musician, the two are able to become close and enjoy the simple joys of being friends.  

It is easy for me to forget the power of acceptance in a friendship.  I want to be honest in my relationships, but I sometimes take this to the extreme of expecting friendships to become self-help groups.  I have been learning that friendship is a balance between acceptance and challenge.  Honesty can only really be accepted when it comes from a relationship of trust and grace.  I want to become a person who shares grace with everyone, and I so I must learn to see others as creations of God in progress.  We are all growing (and I certainly include myself in that group), and growth is not something that can be easily hurried.  Grace takes people for who they are, sees the potential in others, and does not force.  Grace is the area that I am growing in, so bear with me as I learn to take one step at a time both for myself and for others.