Late night thoughts

Life for me is in a phase of transition. For a while now Salah and I have both wanted to move out of the area, but that is much easier said than done. We are tired of LA's hectic life schedules, and never feeling like we can really breathe... in more ways than one. We've tossed around several ideas of where we want to go and are currently thinking of Portland, Denver, or Boise. Over spring break we are going to visit a friend in the Portland area to check it out. I'm really hoping we like it there.

But this time has not been easy for me. For those of you who know me, you realize how much I love to be in the know and in control. I like to be able to make decisions based on good reasons and plan ahead. Normally this is a good thing, but lately I have had to learn the art of patience. There simply isn't much that I can do to plan ahead right now (or for the past several months...). I have already looked at some jobs in the area and turned in a resume. We've scoped out houses in the area and they almost make me drool (who knew that you could buy something with a couple acres, a barn, and 3 bedrooms for less than the price of an LA condo?). Even the weather cooperated with an "extended" period of rain, and I actually liked it. So at this point, I've done most everything that I can. While I try to wait patiently, sometimes I get restless.

This restlessness has sent me into a couple periods of introspection. At this point, my mind is regularly wandering toward the future. I think about where we will live, where we will work, who will be our new friends, and what the other next steps are. At other times in my life, I have lived in the past. I would regularly think of those wonderful days and try to find ways to bring them back. What I do not regularly do is live in the present. It is hard for me to embrace the moment. Embrace that the sink is yet again filled with dirty dishes, appreciate the tough home situation of the kid giving me attitude in class, and actually sit back and enjoy the simple things in life like the sunset. Those little moments in life seem to be the ones that shape who we are, yet those are the ones that I push aside in my mind for what was or what I hope will be. I want to learn to take what I can from the past, be wise about the future, but live fully.

I know, I know... this is rather trite. Living in the moment or taking life one day at a time is certainly not a new idea. But as I get older (*sarcastic cough*) I am starting to appreciate the wisdom behind cliches. Certainly I am looking forward to the time when we move to a place that makes it easier to slow down. But I realize that living life intentionally and enjoying the moment is a regular choice. Even if we end up staying in LA for the rest of our lives, I can choose to mentally be where I am. It is my choice to take life as a gift, or resist everything that comes at me.