Dawkins on God

I finally read something Dawkins said that I agree with. Here it is:

Now, there is a certain class of sophisticated modern theologian who will say something like this: "Good heavens, of course we are not so naive or simplistic as to care whether God exists. Existence is such a 19th-century preoccupation! It doesn't matter whether God exists in a scientific sense. What matters is whether he exists for you or for me. If God is real for you, who cares whether science has made him redundant? Such arrogance! Such elitism."

Well, if that's what floats your canoe, you'll be paddling it up a very lonely creek. The mainstream belief of the world's peoples is very clear. They believe in God, and that means they believe he exists in objective reality, just as surely as the Rock of Gibraltar exists. If sophisticated theologians or postmodern relativists think they are rescuing God from the redundancy scrap-heap by downplaying the importance of existence, they should think again. Tell the congregation of a church or mosque that existence is too vulgar an attribute to fasten onto their God, and they will brand you an atheist. They'll be right.

The full article (which is terribly sad) can be read at http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203440104574405030643556324.html

It is nice to see that Dawkins said something that I agree with, since he has been such a strong opponent of God and Christianity. Now he has not let up at all, instead this article details how evolution has left us with a God who has nothing to do - largely because he cannot exist.

Reading this article did two things to me: it made me sad and grateful. I am saddened that our search for knowledge and truth has lead some people to very dark and lonely places. I simply cannot imagine living life where compiled quarks are all that exist. I have no idea how one could function in such a world.

However, this article (about science leaving us with little room for God) has made me humbly gracious. I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to study so that I am confident that God exists. I believe that no matter what new scientific evidence, terrible circumstance, or deep absence of God's felt presence may come my way - that God will still exist. I am deeply convinced of this truth. Even though I still have difficult questions about the correlation of Genesis and evolution, I know that belief in the God of the Bible is more rational than disbelief. I am left sitting humbly at the feet of my Heavenly Father and thanking him not only for his love, but a deep and justified knowledge of his existence and gracious presence in my life. Thank you Jesus!

Baking Lessons

My latest obsession is bread. I LOVE bread. I love making it, finding new recipes, sharing it with friends and especially eating it. The entire process is just fun. A friend tipped me off to this great 'program' called "Artisan bread in 5 minutes a day" which is the easiest way ever to make bread. You simply pre-mix 2 weeks worth of dough, store it in the refrigerator, and shape/bake it when you want. It is so easy but amazing. I would highly recommend it to anyone who loves bread (but certainly not to anyone watching carb intake!!).

One of the fun things about a new (or re-discovered) hobby is that it reveals so much about you. As fun as bread-making has been, I have learned that I have some character shaping to do. As easy as this bread process is, it takes quite a bit of time once you decide to make a loaf. From start to finish takes around an hour and a half (but only 5 minutes or so is active time, so I can do other stuff in the mean time). However, this wait time has shown me how inflexible I have become in my schedule. I will have just shaped a loaf and Salah will want to go do something fun with me. My automatic response (which I often try NOT to say aloud) is 'how dare he try to impose on my schedule and not value the amazing thing I am doing right now.' Quite frankly, this is ridiculous. I should be grateful that I have a husband who wants to spend time with me and values doing things with me, but instead I am frustrated he didn't check with my plans before coming up with a great idea. Second, I am becoming much too picky for my own good. I have my ideas on how the bread should be sliced, when it should be eaten, and what makes the best toppings. When others enjoy the bread (that I made to be enjoyed by others and certainly not to be eaten entirely by me) I become bitter they do not automatically know my way of doing things. Finally, I really need to relax and enjoy the process instead of being worried something will not turn out right. Since this is a new endeavor of mine, I have made a couple mistakes in the bread. One loaf fell flat, another was underbaked, and instead of making pita I somehow re-created stale communion bread. None of these are a big deal, no one cared but me. However, after each incident happened I was frustrated with myself and it took me a while to try again to make it right. I need to learn to adjust, accept my mistakes, and the move on.

All in all, I have loved this new adventure, but I am not sure what to do about the character weaknesses it has brought to the surface. Instead of being inflexible, stuck in my ways, and frustrated at mistakes I want to be gracious, generous, and adventurous (which really requires me not to take myself so seriously). I am grateful that this new adventure has brought me so many learning experiences, but am not sure how to adjust the ways that I need to. I am so glad that life is a process of growth and no one (except maybe me) expects me to change overnight. Jesus referred to yeast in a couple of his parables. He said the Kingdom is like yeast that works its way through the entire batch of dough, but he also warned against the 'yeasty' teachings of the Pharisees. I want have a soul marked by the yeast of the Kingdom and not that of self-righteousness.

One step at a time

A life-lesson I've been learning lately is to take people where they are.  We are all at different stages of life, levels of growth, and have different areas of strength.  It is often so easy to want to come into a new situation and want to help others make changes for the better.  I meet someone and want to encourage them to make a change that would help them for the better. I see a better way to load the dishwasher, for Salah to be a better driver, or for my friend to be better at calling me back in a timely manner.  But often when I push my way on others, it is not helpful and causes tension in the friendship.  I need to learn the balance of accepting friends for who they are, quirks and all, and being able to share honest feedback when the time is right.  Too often I push what I think is best on people (even if it is only in my own mind that I do the correcting) and do not appreciate them for who they are.  I often forget the power of acceptance and love.  I have been reminded of the power of simply being a friend and taking someone for who they are.  

This week we watched the movie The Sololist and it was very interesting.  In the movie Robert Downey Jr. is a writer for the LA Times and meets a homeless musician (Jaime Fox).  The reporter wants to help the musician change his life and help him off of the streets.  The reporter does everything he can to get the musician chances to play music in Disney Hall, rent a room, and move him off of Skid Row.  However, the musician struggles with mental illness and does not want to be 'trapped' indoors, he wants to live on the streets.  The movie ends powerfully with the reporter learning about the value of friendship.  He stops trying to fix the musician's life and respects him as a  friend.  The reporter accepts the musician and the life he has chosen so that the two can move forward in a real friendship.  As the reporter stops trying to change the musician, the two are able to become close and enjoy the simple joys of being friends.  

It is easy for me to forget the power of acceptance in a friendship.  I want to be honest in my relationships, but I sometimes take this to the extreme of expecting friendships to become self-help groups.  I have been learning that friendship is a balance between acceptance and challenge.  Honesty can only really be accepted when it comes from a relationship of trust and grace.  I want to become a person who shares grace with everyone, and I so I must learn to see others as creations of God in progress.  We are all growing (and I certainly include myself in that group), and growth is not something that can be easily hurried.  Grace takes people for who they are, sees the potential in others, and does not force.  Grace is the area that I am growing in, so bear with me as I learn to take one step at a time both for myself and for others.

Theologian v. Philosopher

Today I had a discussion with a friend that I respect and it completely threw me off.  We were talking about the relationship between theology and philosophy (as academic disciplines and as classes).  She, like many other theologians at school, does not appreciate when philosophy students bring up their 'issues' in theology classes.  Part of me can understand this; before I started doing philosophy I didn't understand philosophical questions and found them to be unnecessary and uninteresting.  However, now that I have gained a deep appreciation for philosophy I understand the importance of these questions.

My friend said that there is something good about keeping the disciplines separate and that it is good to have some theology classes without philosophical questions.  When I first heard this I was rather hurt.  I was actually surprised at how much this stung and frustrated me.  But then I began thinking... It seemed as though she thought we make too many categories and distinctions when studying the Bible so that we are distracted from the original writings (in which she emphasized their narrative quality).  

It seems to me that she is right in a way, but is wrong in another.  She is right that we do not always need to categorize and literature can be looked at in its own right without being analyzed.  One can appreciate the beauty of the Psalms and worship God in doing this without doing analytic philosophy.  Indeed, it is good to work hard at hermeneutics and discover what the original authors were saying.  We must understand the flow of the text before we can systematize it.  So in this way, I think my friend is right to say that theology can be done without philosophy (although this is probably closer to biblical theology or hermeneutics).  

However, my friend's claim that the disciplines should be distinct is itself a philosophical question.  So it seems that she does not understand the wide range of philosophy.  My husband defines philosophy as 'thinking great thoughts about great things' and this seems like a good way to think about it.  Philosophy is a second-order discipline that examines what things are, how things should be done, what we should do, and how we can know things.  It seems that systematic theology is always philosophical, but it limits itself as it typically only uses the Bible and a certain type of reason to make its conclusions.  If this is the case then there is no reason I can see that we should not accept philosophy as part of theology.  Coherence is an important aspect of truth that must not be ignored when a theologian is drawing big picture conclusions.  I am very comfortable with a theologian drawing a conclusion of mystery like 'Paul say x about salvation and James teaches y, so I do not know what the complete and unified picture is.'  However, this is using philosophy!  Because of this I see no need to make a sharp distinction between theology and philosophy.

Theology and philosophy need each other.  If one tries to do philosophy without consulting theology, then one has missed out on a significant way to justify knowledge and will likely come up with the wrong conclusions.  It is not enough to simply think in a certain style and come up with the right conclusions; one must use all of the appropriate sources (which certainly includes the Bible).  However, theology also needs philosophy.  Philosophy brings clarity, detail, coherence, and sources from general revelation to the mix.  If a theologian ignores analytic philosophy then he will likely come up with incoherent thoughts that will lack complete truth.  At least some laymembers of the church will pick up on these inconsistencies and so being philosophical in theology is important so that one may avoid stumbling blocks for some people.

My friend's final complaint about philosophy was its arrogance; philosophers tend to see themselves as dominant over the other disciplines.  I can certainly see where she is coming from.  But is she right?  Part of the answer seems to be in how this is done.  One must approach second-order judgments over another discipline with great care and humility.  To have effective thought about another discipline one must know that other discipline well.  Philosophers (including myself) need to be careful about the claims they are making over the other disciplines.  It is not the job of the philosopher to do all of the 'field work' (which likely includes translation, hermeneutics, and biblical theology) but to guide the evaluations (including systematic theology).  However, philosophy can guide theology and other disciplines in being clear and coherent.  I am reminded of Paul's exhortation to the church being a whole body so that all parts are necessary and needed (1 Cor 12).  The church can be lifted up by both the theologian and the philosopher when they serve Christ with humility.

Growing Belief

I am entering a rather reflective time so I thought I would share some of my thoughts.  I have been reminded of the need to 'upkeep' my mind; I need to continually be aware of my thought life and intentionally build important beliefs.  As I say this, some of you may be thinking of intentionally refraining from certain temptations and while I think this is a positive action, it is not the only intentional action we need to take toward our thoughts.  It is very easy for me to not be conscious of what God is doing in and around me, which generally leads me to discouragement.  I think God is not at work, that evil is ruling, and that I will never improve in certain areas I struggle with.  While there certainly are bleak areas of life, this need not be my only attitude.  When I am around certain people, I am uplifted and encouraged by God's continual action.  I see their faith in God's active hand and am amazed.  While Scripture speaks of faith as a gift, it also seems to be something that is cultivated.  If someone surrounds herself with people who regularly and believably experience God, her faith will naturally grow.  In this specific area I see two areas of growth for my own life.  First, I need to me more intentional about surrounding myself with God's people so that my belief in Him will be strengthened (and be very intentional about my beliefs when I come across opposition).  Second, I want to be intentional about becoming a person who grows the faith of others.  When I speak to my good friends (to whom it would not be off-putting to talk about the things of God) I want to talk to them about God so we can mutually encourage one another.  I have formed poor habits in this regard as I have become complacent about reminding myself and those I care about that God is good.  

Beliefs are often seen as a thing that a person has or does not have (all or nothing).  However, this degreed view of beliefs (in which a person can increase or decrease his belief in a certain proposition) seems to be more accurate.  I want to make sure that I understand who I am and how I am structured so that I can pursue the good in myself and exhort others to do the same.  

Painful Thoughts

I was told something recently that hurt more than I expected it to.  A person who is family but that I have never been close to told me that he sees what I am doing as useless.  We (I'll call him Dave as a reference even though this isn't his name) were talking about my schooling and he absolutely shocked me.  Just as I am finishing my master's in philosophy (after an M.A. in theology) he told me that I wasted my time studying.  At first my attitude was like 'whatever, you can think what you want and be wrong.'  But upon further reflection, I'm having a really hard time with his comments.  I have worked very hard in my program and do see them as extremely valuable, perhaps the best experience I have had so far in my life.  So to be told that Dave thinks I am wasting my time cuts like a knife.  I went on to ask him what he thought would be useful to do in life and he gave some generic answer like 'help others and serve God.'  This answer continued to sting because it indicates how little he understands what I am doing.  My whole purpose (at least at this point... maybe not on the beginning) of studying philosophy and theology is so that I can understand (and then love and serve) God better and then be able to pass this knowledge onto others.  Granted it is not feeding the homeless or smuggling Bibles into wherever, but I want to be part of the battle for minds and hearts against the Devil's stronghold of naturalism.  I want to help people understand the importance of thoughts and beliefs and their great impact on actions.  While I may have experienced a small taste of the ivory tower, I really want to hit the ground running and truly make an impact.  Perhaps this is the heart of the problem; if I cannot get Dave to understand what I am doing, is there any way that I will be effective to a broader audience?  Is this an indication that I am doomed to fail?  Or should this exactly be the motivation to help others understand how important ideas are?  How do I move from hurt and frustration to compassion and determination?  

Lord God, please help me understand the path that you have for me and give me the courage to live a flourishing life that serves the kingdom.  I am so grateful that I do not have to walk this path alone but that you are with me every step of the way and know what the future holds.  I am grateful that God uses small instruments like me for his glory in ways that he knows is best.  I'm having a hard time, but I'm still trusting.

The Emotions of Truth

I have a friend - a pretty good one too - who has worked herself into quite a pickle.  A relationship she was in went sour and she was hurt in several ways.  Many of her friends say that the situation will not get better (at least from the other person's actions changing) but she refuses to believe this.  

This is so hard for me.  I have been taught that what one believes influences her actions - and this makes perfect sense to me.  I drink water because I believe I am thirsty and believe that drinking water will quench my thirst.  I write papers because I believe it will help me get good grades which will help me get a job one day.  The second component that I've learned is that what we know is formed from what we believe and good justification (meaning reasons or evidence for a belief).  I have good reasons (justification) to believe many things including that the sky is blue, I am a thinking being, and that the sun will rise tomorrow.  However, my friend's belief that things will get better in this relationship is based purely on hope that it will get better and fear of the consequences if things do not get better.  She has very good reasons to believe that the situation actually is bleak and this evidence has been confirmed multiple times in multiple ways.  It is blatantly clear to myself and other friends what will happen - and we have not met the other party involved.  

I truly wish good things for my friend - I want her to do what is right and to be in a good situation.  Normally I would try to convince her to change her behavior by way of changing her beliefs.  But how can I change my friend's beliefs if they are based on emotions and directly contradictory to the evidence?  Philosophy has been very helpful, but fails to help here.  

I have spent many hours pondering what is true, but what is good and right to do when the truth hurts?  And what does one do if reason is ignored?  Perhaps this is no longer a philosophic question and I am trying to fit everything into the wonderful (and very large) box of philosophy that I am exploring at the moment.  Perhaps this is an issue for the counselor, psychologist, or even pastor.  It very likely is the case that speaking to my friend in this philosophic talk would be of no benefit to either of us and aside from loving her as she is the best thing I can do for her is pray.

When I step back from the situation it does remind be about an interesting facet of epistemology.  Knowledge is said to be justified true belief, but can I really say that my friend does not know that in the end she will be deeply hurt from this relationship?  Is it actually possible for a person to bluntly believe a falsehood with much evidence staring her in the face?  (Perhaps she merely refuses to acknowledge truth but still knows it, but if not there is something to be said about this).  If she truly does not know she will be hurt, then humans have an amazing capacity for hope, fear, and other emotions to strongly influence them.  I find this truly fascinating.  Free will may be such that one can choose to believe something completely irrational.  What does this say about the soul?  Did this ability to believe something contrary to evidence happen as a result of the fall or were we created in such a way that the will can overpower the mind?  (Maybe this is how someone could believe that a = -a as they do in some Eastern religions, which seems completely incomprehensible to me).  Did this happen so that we could believe in the goodness of God despite much evil in the world (and then some people misuse this ability for wrong purposes)?  Either way, it strikes me that souls are complex substances that need to be given serious credit.  Most unfortunately, the naturalism that permeates our society pulls many Christians away from these thoughts so that we no longer understand what we are and what the implications of our nature are.  I want to recognize the depth of the soul so that I may (as I walk in the Spirit) be properly ordered and reflect the goodness of my Creator.  I want to recognize the complexity of beliefs, knowledge, and emotion so that I do not ignore one aspect of who I am as I pursue truth.  I never want to be one that works in vain because I missed an important aspect of being human.  Help me Lord Jesus.

Ending

I've been in school a long time.  I started (like most other people) when I was 5 in kindergarten so I've spent a total of 20 years in school... all of my life that I can remember.  So since I'm graduating in May, a short 9 weeks from now, I will be facing one of the biggest changes in my life.  Granted, things did change quite a bit the summer I got married, moved from small-town Lewiston to Los Angeles, and changed majors... but that felt quite a bit different.  I was (obviously) excited to get married and start my new adventure.  I knew what I was going to do next, or at least I thought I knew how my life was changing.  But this time, as I am leaving my 'profession' and starting something new, I'm not sure how I will be filling my time.  Granted, I plan on continuing to substitute teach and I will try to write, but I have no idea what this will look like exactly.  There are so many questions and so few answers (and that's just about what I will be doing, not what Salah will be doing or where we will be living or how we will deal with all of life's changes).  I REALLY don't do will with a lot of down time, I really appreciate having something do do.  So needless to say I've been a little stressed lately.

Most unfortunately, this stress has made it difficult for me to focus on school.  I have a paper due each week till the end and I simply cannot find the motivation to do my best (or sometimes even work on school stuff at all).  I am quite puzzled by this phenomenon I am experiencing and probably feeding.  Up till now I absolutely loved what I was doing, I felt as though I could stay in school forever.  I spent time pondering whether I should go onto my doctorate and almost mourned when I decided it wasn't the best option for me at the time.  I thrived on stretching myself to do my best at school even though philosophy does not always come naturally to me (I think in very different ways than my classmates).  Why the change?  Part of it is that I'm taking an independent study that is VERY challenging and I am not doing as well as I hoped.  I've gotten myself all flustered and been hard on myself for doing worse than expected.  So now I feel as though I am in the place that I did not want to be, I fear that I am not finishing well.

I've worked so hard till now that I don't want to waste my last few weeks of amazing opportunities.  Because I didn't expect to hit 'senioritis' I didn't prepare for it.  But now that I'm here I must keep fighting.  I am learning to find the balance between pushing myself to do the work that needs to be done and letting myself take a break (not expecting the world of myself).  The whole balance thing (and letting go) is not something that I typically do well.  Although I suppose it is something that only comes with time and experience.  Letting go is particularly difficult when I don't know what's next.  When I start to worry about it, the only thing I can do is be reminded of God's continued faithfulness.  I've been in situations much worse than this but God was faithful then.  I want to do all that I can but also rest in God's promises.  My studies have taught me that terrible things can still happen to me... those faithfully following God have been killed, tortured, starved, and brutalized, but they have also succeeded and gone on to do great things for the kingdom.  I want to be faithful with what I have been given, I don't want to sell myself short, but faithfulness is all that I need to aim for.  

Growth Stunting

I substitute taught for a health class the other day and was faced with an interesting question.  The (high school) students were supposed to journal on why people drink alcohol when it causes so many problems (underage drinking, alcoholism, alcohol abuse).  I was supposed to lead the class in a discussion about it afterword.  At first, I had no idea what to say because I knew that students at the school drank and public schools don't allow any religious morality.  Students came up with the typical answers of people drink because it feels good, relives stress, other people do it, etc.  But then when I asked them why we shouldn't drink they had no answers.  I gave a generic answer like 'things that start out as 'good' or 'useful' can easily be abused.'  I wasn't too happy with this, but then I started thinking about Ephesians 5:18, "do not get drunk on wine... be filled with the Spirit."  I realize that the context of this verse applies to the early church that had problems with people getting drunk during their church service dinners, but I think we can also draw more from the verse.  

Wine, and all alcohol, does have the possibility of being used for good purposes.  I have appreciated the calming effects of a glass of wine after a stressful day, but I can easily see how this could be taken too far.  Recently I've been in some frustrating and stressful circumstances where I would love to forget about the issues using alcohol (for other reasons I have not partaken recently).  But instead of taking this way out to ease the frustration, I have been practicing putting these things before the feet of God.  This has been extremely difficult and I have by no means been good at it, but I have noticed a change in my own heart.  God has been shaping my soul to trust in Him.  (Note: there certainly may be times where alcohol could be used in a God-honoring way and so I am not by any means ruling out alcohol).  These experiences have been growing because of their difficulty and while I am by no means a masochist, I appreciate the results of the pain.  Perhaps this was part of what Paul was trying to convey to the Ephesian church.  He may have been encouraging them not to turn to a way of dulling the pains and frustrations of daily life through alcohol but turning to the Spirit.  

It's too bad that I couldn't have said this to my class the other day, I wish I could/would have told them the value of difficulty and its power to grow us.  I doubt they would have understood my meaning and it is rather empty without the power of the Gospel behind it.  I am so grateful that I have a reason and motivation to be good... so that I may please my Savior, the one who gave everything so that I could be transformed into His image.

The Evolution of Movies

I am slightly embarrassed to do this post because it means I must admit to watching certain movies.  But it seems like an interesting trend in society, so I will just have to publicly recognize that sometimes I have less than ideal taste in movies.

In the past 'man movies' have consisted of classics like Ben Hur, Braveheart, Gladiator, and the like.  They are about men standing up for what is right and defending good at a high personal cost.  Characters may waver in their desire or ability to do what is right, but in the end they make the right choice.  Naturally the antagonist is bad and we are taught to dislike his character.  Some weakness in him, usually selfishness or greed, is both overwhelming and relatable.  We see how devastating it is for him in all aspects of his life that he must be hated, yet we are able to recognize similar tendencies in ourselves.  This, I think, helps us to desire the good and hate what is bad even in ourselves so that in a small way when watched correctly, movies may add to our character formation.  Perhaps not in a large way, but it reminds us to do what is good no matter the cost.  Heroes, even fictional ones, are good for society.  

However, I have noticed a recent shift in 'man movies.'  I am certainly not a movie critic nor do I have any sense of movie history.  Perhaps these movies have existed for decades and I am just now becoming aware of them... but there seems to be a new category of male chick-flick (read 'my best friend's girl' or 'wedding crashers').  Traditional chick-flicks seem to be categorized by a jeopardized romance that goes through difficulties but after several humorous scenes the couple ends up together.  The female lead typically learns more about herself and is bettered through the experience.  I have been known to enjoy these movies, but I do not find myself  at all attracted to the male version.  In these movies, there is a pathetic male who is largely socially deviant in some area (usually in addition to being a terrible womanizer).  The male meets some woman he is attracted to but they are kept apart because he is a total jerk.  Through out the movie the two become close and she eventually shows him that his socially deviant ways are bad.  In this way the woman rescues him from his behavior and the two are finally able to be together.  Naturally the movie is filled with bawdy humor, plenty of crude language, and a couple graphic sex scenes.  While some of these movies may be entertaining, they seem to reflect a downward shift in society.  

These male chick-flicks emphasize the social acceptance of weak men.  These men not only do not stand up for truth and justice in the face of difficulty but they are downright despicable in normal circumstances.  And these are the heroes!!  Although the audience is directed emotionally to pity these men, they are not made out to be deplorable but just late bloomers.  It makes actual men feel better about living with their parents, sleeping around, or generally being irresponsible.  As I am writing this it is becoming evident to me that I am a traditionalist when it comes to gender roles, but I honestly don't see the problem with this.  Certainly I advocate fair and humane treatment of women, but this need not mean an equivocation of the genders.  I am pro-fairness but certainly not a feminist, but enough on that.  The fact that men in our society today are not living up to their God-given responsibilities is even evident on advertisements (when the media must take responsibility to remind men to 'take time to be dads today' we have a serious problem).  So let's let men be men and not be afraid of gender differences.  Let's realize that as men and women we have different responsibilities that are very difficult (and different) but that when we delegate and don't both try to do the same thing, society runs much more smoothly.  Let us replace movies with weak men for those who recognize the cost of doing good but still act rightly.  And maybe I'll try to work on watching better movies...

Ethics and Marriage

I realize this is a rather strange posting name... but go with it.  In my ethics class this semester my professor is very attracted to ancient ethics.  He thinks that ethics is not just about being able to talk about what a person should do in a situation or what makes a certain action right, but that ethics is fundamentally about training the soul to be attracted to the good.  This seems very right to me but fundamentally missing from our society.  Since I'm only a few weeks into the semester I'm sure there will be much more that I will learn about this and my explanation of the view is likely incomplete.  However, it does seem that it matches with some of my thoughts of late.  

I have been married for four and a half years now and I deeply love my husband.  We are truly good for one another and actually enjoy being married.  But many people that I either talk to or hear about really struggle in their marriages.  Wives complain that their husbands do not understand them, demand much of them, and are fundamentally unsatisfied; the fairy tale they hoped for has been crushed.  (And yes, I do think that *almost every girl really does think her marriage will turn out much better than everyone else's and be fully satisfying).  I don't often talk to husbands, but if the sitcoms and jokes are any indication, men are just as unhappy and frustrated in their marriages as women.  Why is this?  Why do so many marriages end up in either divorce or unsatisfied co-habitation?  It seems to me that Americans, including Christians, do not understand what marriage is and have not been trained to love the good.  Perhaps if we were able to shift our ethics and metaphysics there would be less problems.  I'm not exactly sure what the issue with marriages in other countries are, so I'll set that aside for now.

Popular discussions seem to give marital advice along the lines of (1) be attracted to the person (2) find the right balance of letting things slide and not-nagging-but-suggesting-solutions for the things that you simply can't live with.  Christian advice (at least currently) seems to center around the man learning to love his wife and the wife respecting her husband - along with LOTS of prayer.  This does seem to be good advice, but it falls short of what would actually fix or help many of the marriages I know.  Certainly we need to learn to communicate and learn to love unselfishly - but we also need to understand what the marriage relationship is.

This has been something that I've been pondering for a while.  Every couple is different and it's hard to think of a definition or relation that captures these diversities.  Certainly marriage involves an intentional commitment to care for one another for life between a man and a woman.  But two good friends or a brother and sister could have this relationship.  Adding sexuality to the relationship is important, but again does not seem to be enough.  When my husband and I started dating he committed to love me, encourage me, and better my relationship with God.  He has more than done this and I think this unselfish love has taught me what love is and enabled me to reciprocate these ideas.  We haven't ever talked in technical metaphysical terms what he sees marriage as, but I'm fairly confident that he would include these ideas in his description of what marriage is (or should be).  This kind of intentionality seems to be missing from many relationships that I know.  Many of my friends got married relatively young (so did I) and were not entirely sure of the reasons why they did this other than it is typical and expected.  Needless to say, I don't think attraction or a distaste for singleness is a good reason to be married.  As Christians, we should be kingdom-minded and in some way a marriage should benefit the kingdom either by the work it allows the couple to do or the significant sanctification provided (in a positive way so as to avoid abusive relationships).  For this and practical reasons, an ideal marriage would involve two people who are compatible on a number of levels: physically, goals, desires, free-times, communication, and many others I can't think of now. I could summarize what I'm trying to get at by saying marriage should involve compatible people who will do better together than apart and have committed to love one another in a maturing way that advances the kingdom.  This is not even close to what is taught in the media or even generally discussed in churches.  More needs to be said here of what the metaphysics of marriage is, but this should do for now.

Now to the ethics... the type of marriage that is good and we should be seeking is very difficult.  It will be nearly impossible without both parties being very committed and having a previous disposition/desire for this type of relationship.  For this reason churches, parents, and other educators must begin to train our souls that this is good and what we should be seeking.  Due to the difficulty, if we do not see this type of marriage as good and beneficial (both to the couple and others) then we won't seek it.  Just as we must be taught that saying encouraging words to a friend is good in-and-of itself (even when difficult) we must train the will to desire the marriage-good.  This would seem to involve tearing down previous notions of marriage that draw our affections away from the good to the cheap (pure sexuality or selfish gain forming a marriage).  The new (or actually very ancient) view of ethics in general would greatly help us to begin thinking along those lines; seeking the good for its own sake and training the will to enjoy goodness.  

The tolerance that accepts things as they are in this country is destroying our ability to recognize the good and encourage others to this end.  It is unusual for the culture to carefully define what a relation/responsibility/entity is much less add normative terms.  "Should" is far too absent from our vocabulary.  People (myself included) will not grow to their potential without loving, constructive criticism (iron needs iron to be sharpened).  We (especially in southern California) are content to live in our worlds and not interact in meaningful ways with others.  After a time it begins to feel invasive when a person lovingly encourages me to do the right thing - how dare she interfere with my business!  Yet this positive 'interference' is what is needed if the culture at large is going to shift away from current notions of marriage.  We must remind each other what the good is and cheer one another on as we reach for it.  

Looking Forward

As those of you who know much about me are already aware of, I am approaching a phase of great transition.  In May I will be graduating form Biola with my MA... then I will have the joy of joining the working world (hopefully).  I am actually very excited about this change, but I thought it might be interesting to start blogging now so that I have a record of the journey.  So many thoughts run though my mind that I don't want to forget or loose track of them.

I've been pondering sanctification lately, the process of becoming more christlike and shedding our old selves.  This concept has been rather nebulous to me, but I read an article over break about what the will is metaphysically.  I believe Eleanore Stump wrote that the will is changed as we submit it to God and sanctification is the process of this change.  I have heard similar ideas before and while the idea is nothing new, it's been one of my back-thoughts for a while.  It does seem that God changes my will as I bend it over to him.  Recently I have been praying that God would change my heart in specific areas even though I know I will not change my behavior on my own.  Through very little effort on my part I am amazed to see God transforming me.  However, today was one of those days where I was reminded of how easy it is for me to slip back into anger and completely ignore the bigger picture.  As I was ranting to myself and half-praying, I was reminded that 'sanctification days' are really great blessings.  I am so grateful that God does not leave me where I am but put forth the 'effort' to transform me.  Yes, God is omnipotent and this is not work for him, but it still amazes me that God even bothers with us.  As I write this it all seems so basic, like something that I learned in junior high Sunday school.  But I suppose that we all need to re-learn and internalize those lessons that were once just memorized information.  

This internalization seems so key to any education or development of thought.  I remember being on a retreat in high school and the counselor was trying to get us to describe attributes of God that we knew by experience.  She became frustrated that we all said things like 'God is love' or 'God is kind' because we were missing the heart of what she was aiming at and just repeating common answers.  At the time this made no sense and I was almost frustrated that she invalidated our experiences of God's love or kindness.  The more I learn and grow, the more I understand her frustration and intentions.  There really does seem to be development of thought that cannot be rushed.  It seems that it takes maturity (and possibly previous exposure or a significant experience) to understand the depth of many ideas.  This requires patience on both the teacher's and the student's part.  Although this is easily frustrating, there does seem to be something inherently good in the growth process.  It would be very strange for a 12 year old to be able to fully grasp a intricate concept like the incarnation - he would not be able to understand or appreciate all the implications.  Even if the 12 year old were aware of the implications, it would be hard to fit them appropriately into an overall picture of the world.  I suppose that what I am trying to say is that despite the difficulties and frustrations, it is good that we humans grow and that this is a temporal process.  So instead of trying to be what I am not (and fight the fact that I must grow), I should embrace who I am and God's grace for me.  So, welcome to my journey, I hope it is interesting or insightful in some way