10 Months

I know every parent says this, but I can't believe how fast Odin is growing up! I love that little man more and more each day. He is so much fun to be with, and so much to handle! Our little man is definitely intense and he knows what he wants (and how to get it already)!

Likes:
-Play time (he loves doing things on his own and being able to explore)
-Mom, still his favorite person
-Staying up late
-Walks (still how we put him to sleep)
-Reading, especially books with sounds

Dislikes:
-Vegetables and baby food (he recently learned how to spit food out of his mouth)
-Being told no (which he certainly understands)

Milestones:
-He crawls on his hands and knees regularly
-Pulls himself up without effort
-'Cruises' along the couch (I think if we wanted him to walk we could do it easily)
-Playing the 'put it away' game. We just started, but he likes putting things in boxes.
-He has started yelling or shaking when we take something away from him
-It's hard to tell, but it seems like Odin understands lots of words including: mom, dad, eat, drink, look, no, put away, hands, glasses, walk, binkie and lots that I'm not remembering right now.


I love you Odin!

Parenting Goals

Being a parent is hard work... obviously. Every parent you will ever meet probably says this regularly, because it is true. As a parent there are dozens of things I have to balance: healthy eating, social interaction, house cleaning, getting enough sleep, staying sane, and (oh yeah) marriage. Because there is so much to do, it is easy to let myself slip into ‘autopilot’ and just get through my day. Survival sometimes seems impossible for me, so how could I do more?
Enough whining for now: parenting is a phenomenal gift (and I love it). I don’t just want to get through the next 18+ years, I want to intentionally raise Odin so that (to the best of my ability) he is an amazing man. I have many dreams and goals for him, and I know that they just won’t ‘happen’ to come about: I need to be an intentional mom.
Having lofty goals and dreams is great, but I need a specific plan of action if things like ‘encourage Odin to love truth’ are ever going to happen. I wanted to write down (and publicly share for accountability) what my dreams for Odin are. If I’m being honest, this is what I want for myself, my husband, and just about everybody I know.... but for now I’ll work on developing it in myself so that I can (hopefully) guide Odin to these.
Physically
-Have energy to be passionate about life
-Be in good shape so that he is not limited by exhaustion, lack of strength or stamina, people’s perceptions, or excess
-Know what good food is and how to eat it, but not be so picky that he insults others
-Be disciplined so that a lack of sleep, food, or energy doesn’t cripple him
Socially
-Truly love others as God loves Him
-Be able to assess a social situation, and read what others are thinking
-Be comfortable in a group or alone
-Have at least one really good friend
Emotionally
-Be self aware to recognize emotions and where they come from
-Understand what energizes him
-Be able to express himself clearly and appropriately when big emotions are involved
Mentally
-Love Truth
-Understand a variety of worldviews and be able to rationally know why he chose his
-Have a wide enough knowledge base to understand topics of general conversation
-Have the research/learning skills to find answers to any question
-Have an ‘always-ready-to-learn’ attitude
Spiritually
-Truly love Jesus
-Be a warrior for the Kingdom of God and actively destroying evil
-Have the confidence to share Jesus with others

I also have some general principles I want to teach him that don’t fit perfectly into any category. Here are some of them...
-Small choices determine character
-Be able to prioritize
-Always keep growing and learning
-Life isn’t fair, make the most of the opportunities you are given
-Life is a process with seasons
-Guard your heart
-Do things right the first time, and if you don’t fix it

May the Lord have mercy over my parenting!

9 Months

Odin is growing up so fast! Another blog I follow posts monthly updates about her son, and I thought it would be a good idea. Odin changes so quickly and I've already missed chronicling it, but late is better than never, right?

What Odin loves: Odin is SO independent! He loves doing this for himself. Any time I put something new in front of him, he wants to explore and understand it. His favorite 'toys' are power cords, which we have a hard time keeping away from him! He loves kitchen items (spatulas, bowls, pastry brushes etc) more than typical baby toys. We just got look-and-feel books, which he enjoys often. He doesn't sit still as long for reading as he did a month ago, but he still enjoys being read to. At this point, Odin is definitely a momma's boy, I'm his favorite person! Sometimes it is amazing (like when he snuggles me while on a walk), but other times it can be challenging (when he refuses to go to others). Odin still loves going for walks, it helps to calm him down whenever he is fussy (which really is not very frequent). He want to have time to himself to play and explore - and I appreciate the time also! Odin is very creative and I am constantly having to find new ways to entertain him, or keep him away from un-baby-proofed areas. Odin is very tough, and rarely cries - even when he falls over an bonks his head. He certainly has his parents' pain tolerance.

What Odin dislikes: Odin does not like being in the car. This isn't new at all, but he is getting more creative at fighting the carseat - much to my chagrin. Unfortunately Odin doesn't like many vegetables - he is a great eater of grains, fruit and beans, but NOT veggies. He got his last tooth a while ago, but he doesn't love teething (who would?). Biting dad helps to ease the pain.

Milestones: Odin is beginning to crawl with his tummy off the ground. He has been crawling army-style for over a month. He is still faster army style, but is continuing to increase doing it the 'regular' way. Odin can feed himself very well, and appreciates whole food over baby food. He is babbling more and more each day (depending on his mood). He regularly says 'mama' but I don't think he has attached the meaning to me yet. Regularly I look away only to find that Odin has pulled himself up yet again - which is only problematic because he doesn't fall very well yet. He has a tendency to fall on his head rather than his bum. Stranger danger has somewhat set in - he is cautious when he sees new people but doesn't cry. However, he refuses to be held by almost anyone but mom or dad.

All in all, I LOVE being a mom. It is fun, challenging, exciting, and exhausting. Odin is teaching me to appreciate the present moment, take time to relax, PRAY, and enjoy the small things. I am so grateful for my little man - he is growing up so quickly. I want to remember this special time :)

Love is Love

I like TV, and the break it gives me from my daily routine. Last night I was looking at the new lineup to see if there were any new shows that I could get into. Unfortunately, things do not look very appealing. I am amazed at the combination of stupidity, debauchery, evil, and immorality I found. It seems the media is trying to promote a worldview that is very contrary to the Bible. The show that caught my eye is "The New Normal" on NBC. It is about a gay couple who hires a woman to be their surrogate. As expected, it has all the quirks of personality clashes, overcoming stereotypes, and the joys of pregnancy. If I'm being honest (and if there were not other problems), it looks like a funny show. However, this show (from its very title) is presenting a view of the American family that I do not agree with. I believe that marriage is only the union of a man and a woman and that this is the ideal starting point for a family. Although I recognize that many struggle with homosexual desires, the Bible clearly condemns homosexual actions. (William Lane Craig wrote two articles that I agree with here http://www.reasonablefaith.org/a-christian-perspective-on-homosexuality and here http://www.reasonablefaith.org/christian-homosexuals). I do not want to support a show that presents homosexuality as normal and a healthy starting point for a family. The trailer of the show had an interesting line in it. One of the gay men asked the potential surrogate, "Are you comfortable with carrying a baby for two men?" She replied, "Yes. Love is love." Is any form of love truly love? This certainly is the perspective that our society is heading toward, but it is not biblical. Love can only be defined or understood through God, because God is love (1 John 4:8). We are told that we can know love because Jesus came, lived among us, and died for our sins (v. 10). Any form of true love must be done through the work of the Spirit and will be pleasing to God. According to the Bible, this does not include sexually active homosexual relationships. So love is not love. The love issues seems to be a reflection of the general issues in our culture. We are told that whatever feels right, is pleasing in the moment, and does not offend anyone else is our good. This leads us to a culture of entitlement, relativity, selfishness, and instant gratificaiton. Christian principles like denying self, choosing what influences you, and sacrificing for others are not popular. America was founded on Christian principles, but I fear we are no longer a Christian nation. We have given into pluralism and accept what makes us comfortable. We do not want to step on other people's toes and give into what seems good in the moment. I fear for where this will lead the nation and want to choose a different path for my family. Let me be clear: I am not perfect. I daily struggle with selfishness, anger, greed, theft, lying, and pride. These are NOT the kind of traits I am proud of, but they exist within me. The only way that I can conquer them is through the strength of the Spirit. Because I struggle so much, I don't want to choose to be influenced by things that will let me compromise. I don't want to regularly expose myself to the message that love is love, or that what feels good is right. I want to be careful what environment I raise my son in so that he will love what is good. I want him to love the one who truly is love.

Blessings

Ummm... so it's been a while since I posted in here. In the past two years I've moved 4 times, had a baby, been through some drama, reconnected with old friends, lost a few friends, and generally been busy. But all in all, I am reminded of how blessed I am. Lately I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and it talks about joy. He says that to worry or stress is to say that what I'm doing is more important than God's call to trust Him. Wow! I am so guilty of that. My life isn't often marked by joy, which is exactly what we are called to do as believers. So I've decided that I want to work on being more joyful, and remembering to rejoice in today because God made it.
An easy way for me to rejoice is to count my blessings. Seeing is how this is a good way to remind myself (and the very few who actually read this) of what's happened, I thought this would be a good time to remember all that God has done. I am blessed because I have a husband who loves me, and works so that I can stay at home with Odin. I am blessed to be a mom to a happy (and now mostly healthy) son. I am blessed to have a mom who is involved in my life and sacrifices to help us. I am blessed to be living in a beautiful house next to an amazing park. I am blessed because I serve a God who loves me enough to sanctify me, no matter how much I resist Him. I am so grateful for my life - I genuinely wake up happy every morning and look forward to my day.
I want to make the most of these moments because I've already seen how fast time goes with a baby. Odin is already so much bigger (and has more personality) than I thought possible at this age. I am so glad to be where I am in life. I am blessed, and rejoicing in the goodness of today and the faithfulness of God.

In the middle

When I was little, I had my life completely planned out. I was going to go to college, meet the man of my dreams, and get married the summer after I graduated. Then I might work for a year or two before having kids. I was going to have 2 or 4 kids and enjoy being a mom. I would of course live in Idaho around my family. Naturally I would keep in touch with my friends from high school and college, as well as going to the same church that I grew up in. My planned life was going to be a natural continuation of the life that I had at the time. It was going to be good. I would fight with my husband every now and then (because that's what every couple does)... we wouldn't completely understand each other but we would always be madly in love. This would be ok because I would always have my girlfriends to confide in, and together we could make it through anything.
For better or for worse, my life is nothing like this. I married a guy in the middle of college, went on for two master's degrees, and now have no idea what will happen as far as a career goes. I think it would be an amazing opportunity to teach, but am not sure that I will be able to find a position. I currently don't live anywhere near my family... who has generally spread out, just like my friends and the church I grew up in. There is no life to go back to even if we did move to Boise. My husband and I get along better than I thought possible; if there are such things as soul-mates, we are a pair. But I have changed and moved at pivotal times that I don't have the close girlfriends I anticipated. Life is good, but certainly not as I expected.
Salah and I went to Portland to check it out and realized that it wasn't the place for us. I had a picture of what it would be like and it was very different. We're pretty sure that it's not the place that we want to put down roots and stay in long term. It was nice that the decision was very clear and we were both on the same page. But now it is really hard to decide where to go from here. I never expected this. I didn't expect to be almost a year out from my masters and still not have a full time job. I didn't expect to wait so long to have kids, and still not be sure when the best time to start that is. I'm not sure what to do when I have somewhat competing interests. I didn't expect so much uncertantity, but that seems to be reality.
I want to live life that is well thought out and intentional, but I'm realizing that hearing about it in graduate school and putting it into practice are two different things. I want to learn to be good to others, but sometimes being good feels very close to enabling. I'm not sure where to go from here, but I know that no matter how hard and frustrating things can seem in the moment, my life is really blessed. It's not what I expected, but I'm glad.

Late night thoughts

Life for me is in a phase of transition. For a while now Salah and I have both wanted to move out of the area, but that is much easier said than done. We are tired of LA's hectic life schedules, and never feeling like we can really breathe... in more ways than one. We've tossed around several ideas of where we want to go and are currently thinking of Portland, Denver, or Boise. Over spring break we are going to visit a friend in the Portland area to check it out. I'm really hoping we like it there.

But this time has not been easy for me. For those of you who know me, you realize how much I love to be in the know and in control. I like to be able to make decisions based on good reasons and plan ahead. Normally this is a good thing, but lately I have had to learn the art of patience. There simply isn't much that I can do to plan ahead right now (or for the past several months...). I have already looked at some jobs in the area and turned in a resume. We've scoped out houses in the area and they almost make me drool (who knew that you could buy something with a couple acres, a barn, and 3 bedrooms for less than the price of an LA condo?). Even the weather cooperated with an "extended" period of rain, and I actually liked it. So at this point, I've done most everything that I can. While I try to wait patiently, sometimes I get restless.

This restlessness has sent me into a couple periods of introspection. At this point, my mind is regularly wandering toward the future. I think about where we will live, where we will work, who will be our new friends, and what the other next steps are. At other times in my life, I have lived in the past. I would regularly think of those wonderful days and try to find ways to bring them back. What I do not regularly do is live in the present. It is hard for me to embrace the moment. Embrace that the sink is yet again filled with dirty dishes, appreciate the tough home situation of the kid giving me attitude in class, and actually sit back and enjoy the simple things in life like the sunset. Those little moments in life seem to be the ones that shape who we are, yet those are the ones that I push aside in my mind for what was or what I hope will be. I want to learn to take what I can from the past, be wise about the future, but live fully.

I know, I know... this is rather trite. Living in the moment or taking life one day at a time is certainly not a new idea. But as I get older (*sarcastic cough*) I am starting to appreciate the wisdom behind cliches. Certainly I am looking forward to the time when we move to a place that makes it easier to slow down. But I realize that living life intentionally and enjoying the moment is a regular choice. Even if we end up staying in LA for the rest of our lives, I can choose to mentally be where I am. It is my choice to take life as a gift, or resist everything that comes at me.